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Contact
Parenting Solutions:
www.parenting-solutions.com
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Dear Friends,
I love hearing your suggestions for parenting issues that you would like me to address. This month's feature article was proposed by a parent who wanted to know how to deal with his young daughter's growing sense of entitlement.
Perhaps this is a concern of yours as well. Children display a sense of entitlement by making demands and whining about insignificant things. Sound familiar? I think we all agree that no parent enjoys such behavior, but we're not always sure what to do about it, other than to just say "No!" In addition to the fact that your child's behavior might annoy you, it's also important to reverse the problem now because children with a sense of entitlement usually grow up to be adults with a sense of entitlement.
I reveal my remedy for entitlement in this month's article: "It's Not Fair!!!"
Let me know what you think by contacting me at meg@parenting-solutions.com.
Happy parenting,
Meg
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| "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"
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"Your child is such a nice kid!" - sweet music to every parent's ear.
What if your child isn't such a nice kid to be around, and no one is singing such praise? What if your child is whiny, bossy, and demanding much of the time? I hate to break it to you, but your child might have a bad case of "entitlement."
As parents, we try to attend to all of our children's needs and desires in order to keep them comfortable and happy. That's a big part of our job, right? We show our children we love them by caring for them as they grow so that they will, eventually, become happy adults. Our children, however, are lucky enough to live in an environment where they not only have plenty to satisfy their basic needs - water, food, shelter and clothing - but also the comfort of many luxuries, such as a good education, toys, TV's, computers, and trips. It's easy for them to take these luxuries for granted and feel they are entitled to them. When they do, they can crossover into the awful "land of brattiness" - and pretty soon you may find yourself in the "land of annoyed parents." Fortunately, successful remedies are within your grasp and can be implemented easily.
Your best antidote to entitlement is to teach your children how fortunate they are. Exposing them to the problems of the world and of individuals first-hand is an extremely effective way to do this. Seeing and helping others in need increases a child's sensitivity to others and appreciation for all they have.
First of all, set an example yourself. Give to charities, do community service work, and share your efforts with your children. Talk to them in an age-appropriate way about what you do and why you do it. You can do this even when your children are toddlers. By the time they are four, you can start to involve them in community service projects, which you can do together.
Here are just a few ideas:
- Make sandwiches for donation to food banks
- Visit the elderly
- Serve meals at a soup kitchen
- Collect and deliver clothing and toys to organizations such as the Salvation Army
- Sign up for planting and clean up efforts in neglected parks
- Write letters or make cards and artwork for those who are sick or serving in the armed forces
In addition, regularly discuss important issues of need with your children and solicit their ideas for things they can do to make the world a better place. They can help you research the websites that list the many volunteer opportunities for kids in your area.
Finally, when your children whine, "It's not fair!" about some petty wrong that has befallen them, talk to them (don't lecture) about the real injustices of the world. And, when they say they need the latest American Girl doll, video game, or basketball shoes, enlighten them about the difference between wanting and needing.
Loving your children doesn't mean giving them everything that they want - it means teaching them to appreciate what they have. Involve them regularly in community service and watch them transform into caring, nice kids.
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PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP:
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Include your children at a young age in charitable activities related to the holidays (e.g. a holiday toy drive, "Operation Santa Claus," or a Passover meal delivery). It will remind them of the needs of others at times they associate with abundance in the form of holiday meals and presents.
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PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP:
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In addition to the causes that help those less fortunate, there are other community service projects that contribute to making the world a better place. Get your child involved in learning about and volunteering for initiatives that affect the environment (recycling campaigns, litter clean-ups, tree planting), health (walk-a-thons for research support), and politics (volunteering for a candidate). For younger children, neighborhood-based efforts are especially appropriate because doing something in their own community lets them see the direct positive consequences of their actions.
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Are you struggling with a parenting challenge? Are you having trouble being consistent? I can help you find practical solutions that will make your job as a parent easier and more enjoyable. Consultations are in person, by phone, or by e-mail, so I am able to work with parents nationwide. Contact me today at meg@parenting-solutions.com.
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Do you and your children need a better night's sleep? Does your baby have daytime and
nighttime reversed? Are you having trouble getting your children to sleep in their own beds?
Do you wish bedtime wasn't a struggle with your kids?
Good sleeping habits are essential for the well-being of your family, and I have the
experience to help your household get a good night's sleep; contact me at meg@parenting-solutions.com and we'll discuss!
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