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July 2008
In This Issue:
THE LEARNING CURVE FOR PARENTING
QUICK TIPS





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Dear Friends,
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Last month I attended a cocktail party networking event hosted by one of my website partners, "Best for Babes."  This terrific non-profit organization is all about bringing to public attention the importance of providing guidance for new mothers so that they will have the best shot at successfully breastfeeding their babies.
 
While breastfeeding is supposedly one of the most natural things in the world, many mothers struggle with it, and a large percentage eventually give up. This is a shame given the incredible long-term health benefits that, we now know, breastfeeding provides. A mother's receiving support and guidance from various sources, including lactation consultants and breastfeeding-friendly businesses, makes all the difference in the probability that a woman will breastfeed her baby successfully.
 
Approaching the process in the same way we learn and acquire other skills is a must. Bettina Forbes, co-founder of "Best for Babes" with Danielle Rigg, says, "Treat preparing for breastfeeding like working out, planning a wedding or interviewing for a job. The worst time to learn about breastfeeding is after the baby is born when you're exhausted, vulnerable and your self-confidence is low." Accordingly, if you know a mom-to-be, I recommend the book "Mama Knows Breast," by Andi Silverman (Quirk Books, 2007) as the perfect informative and entertaining gift.
 
In the end, support and information are the key ingredients in the mother/baby/breastfeeding equation. I applaud the work that "Best for Babes" is doing to bring attention to this vital cause.  Visit the link on my website to learn more or to make a contribution: www.parenting-solutions.com/resources/
 
This topic makes me think more about support and how important it is to the parenting experience in general. In this month's article below, I explore the importance in all aspects of parenting of various sources of support - mothers' groups, workshops, reading and professionals.
 
I'm here to be a resource of support for you. So, visit my website at www.parenting-solutions.com for tips and recommendations or contact me at www.parenting-solutions.com/contact/ for a consultation, or to schedule a workshop at your children's school or for your mothers' group.  
 
Next month in this newsletter, look for practical tips on "discipline!"
 
Until then,
 
Happy parenting and best wishes,

Meg




THE LEARNING CURVE FOR PARENTING

I recently read an article about the rise in "outsourcing" of parenting. The article criticized parents who hired people to do tasks such as toilet train their tot, teach their child to ride a bike, and baby-proof their home. The writer went on to bemoan the fact that this trend demonstrates that parents no longer trust their natural parenting instincts and feel they must seek out advice.

On the one hand, I agree with the author that a parent should parent. On the other hand, I was annoyed that the writer confused two different ideas: 1) shirking parental duties, and 2) seeking support.  Hiring someone to toilet train your child or to take on other parental roles for you removes you from your inherent parenting duties and is indeed "outsourcing," but asking for advice or reading up on the most effective way to help toilet train your child is clearly not "outsourcing," and just makes common sense!

Society accepts the idea that people might seek experienced guidance to do all sorts of natural activities better - people exercise naturally, but they hire trainers, they make homes naturally, but they hire decorators, and they innately seek a mate in a long-term relationship, yet they read books galore on dating and marriage to improve those relationships.  Why for parenting, which is one of the most important roles one can have in life, is one supposed to rely purely on natural instincts?  Don't get me wrong; I'm a big believer in the importance of paying attention to one's instincts, and I do think that we all have at least some natural parenting tendencies. But, what about when what our instincts tell us to do is not working?  Or, when we don't intuitively know what to do?

When my first child was born, I was fortunate to fall fairly easily into my mothering role. In addition, I shared parenting responsibilities with my husband, who was comfortable in his role as a father. We also had the baby's grandparents for support and as terrific role models. Despite all these factors in my favor, I still had countless moments when I felt, at best, unsure and, at worst, downright inept. I needed advice and found it by seeking wisdom from those with experience, attending workshops, reading, and sharing experiences with other new moms in my mothers' group.  The more I sought out opportunities to learn and the more I combined my gained knowledge with my gut instinct, the more assuredly and intentionally I made parenting decisions.

I believe all parents need support of some kind, both for development and their sanity. As far as I am concerned, we shouldn't be made to feel guilty for wanting to improve our parenting skills! Parenting involves an initially steep learning curve that should never plateau. Remember: "The wisest mind has something yet to learn."

Even if you haven't run into a roadblock, why not take stock in what you are doing to seek support and continue to learn? Try joining a mothers' group (if you have a baby), or parent support group (if you have older children). I encourage attending parenting workshops and reading books and articles on relevant topics. Do you have a mentor such as an experienced relative or friend, who you respect for their parenting skills? Information and guidance are tools that will go a long, long way in helping you parent intentionally, so avail yourself of as many resources as you can.  You're not "outsourcing" - you're learning and honing your skills to become a more confident and successful parent . . . and there's no shame in that!


PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP:

For new parents:

Many parents keep some kind of milestone calendar during their baby's first year -- but don't stop there. After the first year, I suggest keeping a journal in which to record significant events, distinctive or humorous things your child says or does, and other landmarks. You think you'll remember them all, but you won't, and you'll be happy to have this written record (and not just photos) to look back on and share with your child.

PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP:

Engaging in physical activity has so many benefits that parents should find some physical activity that their child can gain competence in and enjoy. Peg your child as "un-athletic," and he/she will certainly grow up to be so. If your child isn't enjoying the sport in which he/she is involved, try something else. The activity doesn't have to be a typical team sport such as soccer or baseball. Whether it's fencing, rollerblading, skating, biking, or taekwondo - there's something for everyone!




Are you struggling with a parenting challenge?  I can help you find practical solutions that will make your job as a parent easier and more enjoyable. Consultations are in person, by phone, or by e-mail, so I am able to work with parents nationwide. Contact me today at [email protected].



Interested in setting up a series of parenting workshops at your school or
for your mothers' group? I can propose a variety of topics from sleep issues to sibling
rivalry to communication. Or, you can request subjects that particulary interest your group.
Contact me at [email protected].