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Contact
Parenting Solutions:
www.parenting-solutions.com
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Dear Friends,
I have some exciting news to share with you.
After more than 20 years as a management consultant to non-profit organizations, I have decided to use my strategic skills and my experience as a parent of four to create Parenting Solutions(TM), which offers personalized, one-on-one consulting services, as well as website resources and a newsletter, to help parents build a supportive family environment and raise well-adjusted, responsible kids. I believe in putting the pieces in place at a young age and specialize in working with parents of children up to age 10, tackling issues from sleep problems to temper tantrums to sibling rivalry.
I can't wait to share with you some of my tips, so read on and check out upcoming Parenting Solutions(TM) e-newsletters. You can also visit my new website at www.parenting-solutions.com.
All parents can benefit from having someone who they can trust to listen carefully to their challenges and goals - someone who will help make their dreams of raising great kids a reality. So, feel free to forward this newsletter and recommend me to your friends! Consultations are in person, by phone, or by e-mail, so I'm able to work with parents nationwide.
Yes, parenting is challenging, but it doesn't have to be a struggle!
I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to touch people's lives by helping them to become the best parents they can be.
Best Wishes,
Meg Akabas
Parenting Solutions(TM)
meg@parenting-solutions.com
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BANISH PARENTS' SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECIES
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I heard it again just the other day: a parent bemoaning the inevitable behavior of a child going through a "phase." This particular mother was complaining that she couldn't get her son to drink the amount of milk his doctor had recommended. And then, she said it: "Teenagers!....They never listen!"
How many variations have you heard of this type of statement (by others or yourself)? Although we all know that it's important not to "label" children (the smart one, the pretty one, the difficult one), we very easily fall into another trap - the trap of holding negative expectations.
"She's about to hit the 'terrible twos.'"
"Boys will be boys."
"Kids these days!"
What these statements have in common is that they excuse all types of unfavorable behaviors with pessimistic generalizations and predictions. In short, they are self-fulfilling prophecies!
Trust me:
If you think all two-year olds go through a "terrible" phase...yours will.
If you believe siblings can't get along....yours won't.
If you're sure that all teens hate their parents...yours will.
It is not inevitable that children whine and throw tantrums throughout their young years. And, they don't have to grow up to be sullen, rude teens. It's all about expectations!
You can raise children without putting up with behaviors you find unacceptable. The trick is to be absolutely consistent about how you deal with them. Here are some points to keep in mind:
� Never (never!) reward undesirable behavior (even whining). It may be easier in the moment to give in to a demanding, whining child or to ignore an inappropriate remark, but be vigilant and don't let anything slide.
� Always be sure there is a consequence (not punishment) for unacceptable behavior.
� Be very clear about expectations. That means be specific. Telling children that you expect them to "behave" doesn't really tell them anything. Behave how?
� Model everything you expect from your child. For example, if you speak disrespectfully to your spouse or parents (even just once in a while), you can be sure that your child will speak disrespectfully to you!
Children won't continue a behavior that doesn't "work" for them. And, children really do want to know what the boundaries are.
So, I encourage you to replace those self-fulfilling prophecies with positive goals and a parenting plan to help you reach those goals.
Get started:
Make a list of all the negative expectations you have about raising children in general and about your child in particular. Listen to what you actually say to others and what thoughts you hear in your mind. Your list should include both already prevalent inevitabilities ("Whenever I leave my kids to play together, they end up in a screaming match with each other.") and assumptions about the future ("Teens are alien creatures."). Give yourself a week or so to develop your list, and be especially alert for any defeatist attitudes that creep up.
Then, take your list, and re-write each negative assumption, turning it into your ideal scenario. Incorporate the values and hopes you have for your child/children. For example: "I'd like my children to play together peacefully and enjoy each other's company."
Finally, develop strategies and actions to work towards each of these positive goals. This part is difficult, but think hard about what consistent parenting techniques you can use to clearly convey your values and expectations to your child and foster desired behavior.
Having trouble getting started? My Parenting Solutions(TM) approach will help you move forward. Visit my website at www.parenting-solutions.com, and consider sessions with me to enhance your parenting techniques and attain the parent/child relationship you desire.
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PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP:
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Build
respect between you and your children by asking for their advice and
feedback about appropriate matters, even at a young age. Your children
will learn that their opinion is valued, and you will be surprised at
how much they have to offer!
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PARENTING SOLUTIONS QUICK TIP:
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Help your child establish a relationship with the children's room librarian of your local public library. She will get to know your child's tastes and interests and will be on the lookout for great recommendations.
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Babies don't come with an owner's manual.
Consider a Parenting Solutions(TM) gift-certificate as the perfect present
for first-time parents. A private consultation gives new parents a
non-judgmental ear for their non-medical concerns and questions.
For more information, e-mail meg@parenting-solutions.com.
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Stressed out about your child's birthday party? Need help planning a personalized, creative event that will be memorable for your child and his/her friends? Let me help you design a unique, age-appropriate, fun party, customized to embrace your child's interest, and give you great tips for making the party run smoothly. |
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