No matter how many times you 'get it right,' sometimes you're simply going to mess up as a leader. One of the most common places you might wonder if you're effective is in staff discipline. Yuck, your least favorite topic, you might say.

My husband often says, 'there's really no good way to deliver bad news.' This is very true. But there are ways that are more effective, and less damaging, than others.

If you've been a leader any time at all, you know the importance of using "I" messages during difficult conversations -- and to avoid blaming, judgment and sarcasm. You may even be pretty good at it.

But occasionally, the inevitable happens. A situation comes up you react out of habit rather than intentionality. As Stephen Covey so accurately states, you become 'reactive instead of proactive,' and the conversation doesn't go the way you wish it had.

Applying proactive skills in the "heat of battle" is tough. That's when we need them the most, and when our anxiety escalates and we are most likely to revert to the old ways of doing things.

So while it is so important to practice those proactive skills, making them work for you when tension is high, this article is more about what you do to heal breaches and create restoration when things have fallen apart. Consider the following:
 

• Avoid beating up on yourself. Everyone is going to forget sometimes, especially during stressful situations.
• Remember that rarely are situations 'fatal.' You can go back and clean it up.
• Go to the person or persons involved and simply say, "I messed this up. I don't like the way I handled that... it's not the way I want to treat our relationship and I am really sorry. Can I try that again?"
• It's not so much about whether you ever mess things up, it's more about what you do about it when you do mess up.
• Real leadership includes owning your own 'stuff' and admitting when you've messed up. It can raise your level of integrity with others in a way that being right all the time will never do.

People tend to be pretty forgiving if they believe that your motives are sincere. A genuine apology can go a long way. But it is also important to restate or redo what was messed up - don't just stop with the apology or the desired outcome from the conversation or event continues to be unmet.

Used sparingly, having the courage to go back, apologize for how you confronted and ask for a second chance to treat the relationship better, is often just as effective as doing it right the first time. Sometimes even more so.

Looking for more support in building your leadership skills?

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Leadership training opportunities are offered in many ways to meet your organization's specific needs and budget. Take a look at our different training approaches, including these On-Demand traning courses:

• Supervisor 101
• Bringing Out the Best in You and Others
• Managing Staff in Stressful Times: Celebrations and Challenges of Leading Multiple Generations
• Dealing With Difficult People
• Creating a Culture of Customer Service Excellence
• The Healthy Leader: Learning to Lead Yourself