Famous One Liners
Some True, Some Not So Much
I learned many life lessons from my dear Mom and someday I'm planning to put together a collection of these gems of wisdom and call it, "My Mama Was A Southpaw, But She Was Always RIGHT".
One of the truths that I learned just by being around her, is that we all need a sense of humor to get by. It's just not healthy to be uptight about everything all the time. With that in mind, I have assembled a short list of humorous lines that I have run across through the years that still make me chuckle. I hope you will find something to smile about here too.
I'd like to dedicate the first anecdote to my friend John from New York, who accused me of being a bit callous and biased in my choices of humorous incidents the last time I did a similar piece. I had used a quote from an event that occurred during the Civil War that John felt was mocking a Union General and making light of the war itself. Nothing could have been further from the truth and after a couple of email exchanges, I think he understood. I just want everyone to know that my sense of humor is equal opportunity, no matter which side of the Mason Dixon you claim. So John, this one is for you.
The Battle of Shiloh, April 6-7, 1862
After being soundly thrashed at the Battle of Shiloh, Confederate General Albert S. Johnston was trying desperately to regroup his men. As he attempted to grab a young Rebel who was running for his life, he yelled,
"Son, why are you running so fast?"
The young man shouted back over his shoulder, never breaking his stride,
"Cause I can't fly!"
Tammy Faye Baker, Evangelist
Trying to justify her spending habits to God
Forgive me Lord, it ain't cheap being pretty.
Babe Ruth, Baseball Legend
When a reporter asked why he was paid more money than President Hoover,
the Babe replied,
The President didn't hit 40 Home Runs
last year.
Willie Sutton, Thief
When a detective asked why he robbed banks, Willie replied,
'Cause that's where they keep the money.
Muhammed Ali, Boxing Legend
When asked by a flight attendant to fasten his seat belt, Ali replied,
Superman don't need no seatbelt.
The flight attendant responded,
SUPERMAN don't need no airplane!
Sir Winston Churchill
After Sir Winston Churchill told Lady Astor
that she was ugly,
as they engaged in a round
of verbal jousting
at a cocktail party,
Lady Astor responded,
"Mr. Prime Minister, YOU are drunk."
Churchill replied,
Yes, madam, you are correct. But tomorrow morning I shall be sober,
and YOU will STILL be ugly.
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