Dear Saint Arnold's Army:

Our 17th annual Christmas Ale Pub Crawl, Part I, next Saturday, November 19

This will be our North Village Pub Crawl with five stops.  We are utilizing our "open house" schedule for the first four stops.  This means that we will be signing tickets at all four of the first four stops for three and a half hours so people can split up between the establishments.  You will get your ticket at whichever stop you decide to visit first.  But, VERY IMPORTANT, we will only be handing out the tickets between 2:30 PM and 3:30 PM.  Thus, you still need to start between 2:30 and 3:30.  Then, at 6 PM, everybody will gather at one final stop, and that is where we will award the glasses.  The prize for making all five stops will be our St. Arnold pub crawl pint glass.  We will have a large but limited supply of glasses.  And as always, designated drivers are both eligible for the award and encouraged to attend!  So here is the layout and our vague directions:

The first four locations (at which we will be simultaneously

between 2:30 PM and 3:30 PM): 

• One will be somewhere on Dunstan between Kelvin and Morningside. Sounds like a Scottish pub.
• One will be on Kirby between Robinhood and Quemby. Think of New Orleans nicknames.
• One will be on Quemby between Kirby and Kelvin.  Half of Hans and Franz.
• One will be on Bissonnet between Greenbriar and Morningside.  Has a Texas table inside. 'K?
• At 6 PM, we will proceed from these four locations up Morningside to Bissonnet and look for someplace to congregate!  There will be bratwurst with sauerkraut available here as well.  Think: hot lava.

Now, for our annual tips for maximum enjoyment:

• PRECOATING: Try to eat something before commencing the crawl. 
• PACING: Too many Christmas Ales at the first stop is a critical strategic mistake.  This is known as "Sprinting Too Early" which is not advisable in this, a distance event.  Can have negative repercussions later.
• MANNERS: Be patient with bar staff.  Remember, 700 or so people will be descending upon a poor crew.  They will be working as fast as they can.  Also, it is considered very good manners to tip well everywhere you go.  This creates good "beerma".
• CASH:  Bring cash!  This pleases the bar staff and the people standing behind you.  Cash is fast.  Credit cards are slow.  They cannot run tabs for 700 people.
• BUDDY SYSTEM: Make sure that you are always in contact with a couple of people you know.  One of you is bound to notice that the pack is starting to move on to the next stop.  This prevents the disoriented feeling of looking around an empty bar and realizing that the only three people still in there are guzzling some inferior malted beverage and may be related to the missing link.
• MAKE NEW FRIENDS: As everyone on this crawl will be intelligent and good looking, this is an excellent place to meet new people.  Also, you will note that some people become better looking as the crawl wears on.  If this occurs, be sure to consult your Buddy System partner.
• DESIGNATED DRIVER: Yes, we encourage this strongly.  You never know when you might decide to run for president.  And even the designated drivers on the crawl qualify for the prize.  While pregnant wives are perfect for this role, it is known to be poor judgment for a husband to claim that this is the best part of her being pregnant.  See "Mood Swings."
• ENJOY ST. ARNOLD'S BEERS: It is in poor taste to be seen quaffing anything else.  Ever.  See "Curse of Saint Arnold."

This is the North Village Pub Crawl.  There will also be a South Village Pub Crawl on December 10, so mark your calendars for that one as well.