Greetings!

Ah, September. If you are living in SoCal, then like me you may have noticed leaves changing on various trees. Except that's not what's happening--the poor little things got burnt up in our recent heat wave. Bet the birth rate is down come the beginning of next June.

September is also the month that new television series get underway. Being busy, I keep my TV watching to a minimum. A show must be compelling, have actual characters with some depth, and even, gasp, a plot. In this issue of the newsletter, I give my impressions of a new show, "Tell Me You Love Me."

And isn't that what we all want to hear--that we are loved? I'd tell you to go ahead and ask your partner for reassurance, but how about initiating a little reassurance for your partner? You know he or she would love it.

My own thoughts are mixed. This show is like "Thirty- something" with frontal nudity, oral pleasure, and frank discussion of issues that face contemporary couples such as remaining monogamous, keeping sex fresh after years with the same partner, and confront issues such as infertility and lack of intimacy. The graphic sex at times seemed well placed, at times gratuitous. I liked that the topic was approached straight on, but some scenes, such as one couple sneaking off to have intercourse during a dinner party, seemed forced. Others, such as Jane Alexander and her retired husband making love, seemed right on the needle.

Of course, if there is a therapist in a program, I'm interested. Jane Alexander does a fairly good job portraying a sex therapist, or at least a therapist who broaches sexual issues. She's a little bit smug, as if she already knows the answers to the questions she is asking her patients.

At one point, for example, Katie, who has not had sex with husband David in over a year, comes into therapy alone. The therapist queries why David did not come in, and Katie, realistically, responds, "He thinks that if we come into therapy, we are going to become a problem couple."

Here the therapist skips over the fact that they already are a problem couple. Instead, she gives a short monologue about the "usual" course of things, which is that David will come in when he figures out that Katie is talking abut him in therapy. Sometimes that is true, but more often than not the person who is resistant stays resistant; the problem is that the partner who goes into therapy has no clout, and seeing a therapist may be seen as a weakness or a manipulation rather than leverage.

Which brings me to one of Buehler's Rules (I wanted to write "Buehler's Rulers" but my husband said that was too awful, too corny, so I didn't--obviously he has clout) which is that if one person has a problem, BOTH people have a problem. The problem is, how do you work on the problem together?

And I guess that's what we'll all learn if we continue to watch "Tell Me You Love Me."

Women Pickier than Men, Men More Romantic: Another rece studytells us something we may already intuit, that women are pickier than men when it comes to choosing a partner. The surprising part is that men will more readily give up other things for the love of a woman.

Dr. B in the Media: Look for a quote from me soon in Esquire and also Diabetes Today. I am also quoted about talking to your physician about sexual problems on author Joan Price's website, and on "Sex with Your Ex" on a variety of sites.

Upcoming Talks and Events: On Wednesday, November 7 I will be giving a lunchtime program entitled "Passion and Power" for the Orange County Psychological Associaton. They have a new website that lets you register online. And in October, I will be giving a CME to physicians and nurses and talking to a support group regarding cancer and sexuality at Loma Linda Hospital.

New Phone Number: Please note that we have a new 800 number. As you may know, therapists often work part-time as they are building their practice. Since we have therapists that are frequently off-site, we needed a system that could let their phone calls follow them wherever they go. It benefits me, too, so that if I am working at home or at a conference, my calls can come directly to me. We lose a little bit of the human touch, but we gain in better service for our clients and other callers. The new number is 800-769- 0342.