Greetings!

This month's newsletter is short and sweet as I take my daughter on a tour of colleges back east. Be still, my heart--the thought of my daughter moving away is sad, but seeing how independent she is reminds me that this is what we've been working toward since the moment of birth--separation and individuation lives!

Oh what tangled (Internet) webs we weave . . . After hearing the big kahuna of sexual addictions, Patrick Carnes, at a recent conference, I turn my attention to this topic of the July newsletter. Don't forget to read Really Weird Sex Stories. (Well, this month they aren't so much weird as interesting.)

• Porn industry profit was $12.6 billion in 2005
• 45 million users visit porn sites monthly
• 100,000 websites offer illegal porn
• US pornography revenue exceeds combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC

Why has pornography become such a major form of entertainment and distraction?

• Porn is cheap. Broadway theater tickets are over $100 a pop. For as little as $20 a month, you can access a huge supply of pornography on Internet sites.
• Porn is interactive. Porn lets men--and women-- who might otherwise have difficulty with intimacy form a pseudo-relationship with another. There is a also a sense of pseudo-community that may be comforting for someone that feels alienated, especially someone with deviant sexual practices.
• Porn is thrilling. It is enticing. It is forbidden fruit. And looking at it can become a compulsive act that can feel like an addiction.

Just in the time I have been seeing clients with sexual concerns, I have seen an increase in the number of calls by men and their spouses complaining that they are having trouble with too much porn. I have heard statements like these:

• I didn't realize it, but my looking at pornography was interfering with my marriage
• I couldn't get some of the images out of my head.
• I spent hours on the Internet that I could have used being productive.
• When my grandchildren almost caught me, I wondered how a little looking had gone so far.

I don't want anyone to think I'm the Carrie Nation of Internet pornography, but maybe we're at a point where technology is winning over common sense. Certainly things have escalated from the days of a guy having a few girlie magazines stashed away to nonstop, 24/7, right in your home or office access to pornography. Face it, most of us can resist pornography. Many people find pornography objectionable on moral grounds, but even those who don't may still not care to view it. But for someone who is vulnerable, it's just too easy to access pornography.

How do you know when use is problematic? The same as with any compulsive or addictive behavior: When it begins to interfere with your ability to function in relationships or at work. So if you sneak a peek and your spouse doesn't mind, no harm, no foul. But if you are lying to escape a family outing to spend time on the Internet, or you find yourself more drawn to pictures of women than the real deal, then you have a problem.

Although I have worked with people who have various addictions, I have brought an expert on board, Michael Smith, LMFT. Michael is a licensed marriage and family therapist who works with people who have drug and alcohol addictions for the County of Orange. He knows that working with people who use Internet porn is different, but he also knows there are some similarities. While Michael is working with the person who is using the Internet excessively, I or one of the other therapists may work with the spouse. My hope is to develop a full outpatient program within the Institute to better serve this population.

Dave Says Zestra Is Good: My colleague Dr. David Ferguson, a physician and pharmacist, just completed a clinical study of Zestra, a substance that warms to the touch and that can add to a woman's sexual pleasure. Learn more at Zestra News

Fantasies Flame DesireA researcher designed the Sexual Desire Inventory to study how fantasies function to increase desire: Fantasy NewsDon't fantasize? Try enhancing your visual skills by looking at a book of photographs or paintings. Select one that appeals to you. Close your eyes and reproduce it. With some practice, you can become more visual. Once you can do this, try making your visualizations spicier. Have fun!

Everyone, enjoy the pleasures of summer!