Greetings!

What a whirlwind we've had here at the Institute! We were blessed to be able to help so many people early in the year. Now it's spring break and quiet. I am trying to devote my non-patient working hours to writing and education, talking to reporters as frequently as possible to spread the word about the importance of sexual health.

I would love my readers to pitch in and help my educational efforts, if willing, in one of the following ways:

• Forward this newsletter to an interested colleague or friend
• Visit my blog and leave a positive comment
• Subscribe to my blog and forward news items to interested parties
• Let people know that we are here to help patients with sexual concerns

Sexual health is considered a "frill"; insurance often does not reimburse for sexual problems because it is considered to be part of one's lifestyle. But we know otherwise. People whose sexual health is not as desired can become stressed, anxious, or even depresssed, and we know that these conditions can lead to additional physical concerns. We appreciate your help in our on-going effort to extend our educational efforts beyond our office walls.

• One woman needed a break caring for a demanding child. She took virtually no time for herself. This caused resentment to fester, which affected other aspects of her life, including her sexual relationship. She denied herself pleasure and become depressed.
• A man needed to be given room to make his own decisions, and even his own mistakes. No wonder he was having trouble functioning in his intimate relationship.
• Another woman needed to communicate. She needed to tell her partner that her feelings were hurt by his bad behavior. No wonder she had lost her desire?she hadn?t let her partner know that she wanted to be treated better.

So if you are not feeling too terribly close to your partner, or too terribly sexy, think: What do I need? It may have nothing at all to do with sex. Remember, if you are feeling sad, worried, ignored, or disrespected, you may not feel much desire for anything. You can live in a state of unfulfilled desire, and be pretty unhappy. Or you can figure out what you want and seek it.

Desire, you see, is not just limited to one area of life. Much of our upbringing tells us it is wrong to have desire; we are supposed to be happy with the status quo. That makes it much easier to control our behavior, no? It trains us to sacrifice, to be good workers and caregivers. Not necessarily a negative, unless desire is so suppressed that we ignore its symptoms, which include frustration, sadness, or a kind of deadness.

Desire awakens us. What potential lies in dreaming for what we wish and seeking what we want? Denying ourselves in one area may lead to imbalances in others. We will either try to overcompensate somewhere else (too much food, too much drink) or deny all our needs. Desire is opening to possibility and gives life its excitement.

So, what else do you need?

Where, oh where, could women have learned such casual sexual behavior? How about everywhere? They have been exposed to it on television and in movies, music videos, and songs. And of course, sometimes they have parents modeling how to move on from partner to partner, going through people like one might go through yesterday's newspaper, with only half an interest.

If it is not outside your own moral code, having sex with someone for the sake of pleasure may not be all bad. What the author has trouble with is that the young women often start out with the expectation that sex will bring them love, which it doesn't, or that they spend so much of their youth having casual sex that when it comes time to mate, it won't be possible. Nothing really new here.

The trouble, she notes, isn't so much the casual sex but the lack of intimacy. Sex has become devoid of meaning for a segment of our young female population. It isn't special, really, just an activity like any other. But perhaps in our consumer-driven population much of life has lost its special appeal. How special is a hot fudge sundae when you can prepare one at home every night of the week, eat mussels any month of the year, or surf indoors while it rains outside? I've seen my daughter's peers become jaded at 12. Why should sex be an exception? And why does the author believe that men don't have the same needs for love? That, I think, might have been a more intriguing question to address, one that I may discuss in the next newsletter or on the blog.

Going Bonkers? That?s not a question, that?s the title of a new self-help magazine dedicated to ?Learning, Laughing & Stress-free Living? that?s just out on the newsstand. Dr. Buehler has been given the okay to write an article on intimacy for the Summer 07 issue.

Christine Seeberger, M.A. will soon be starting a support group on Friday mornings for women with sexual pain disorders. Participants will need to be in therapy in order to attend. Research has shown that social support has great benefit for women with such challenges. For more information, please contact Ms. Seeberger.