Monday Morning Stretch

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A weekly kick-off e-message from Katherine Eitel

to breathe life back into your practice, your team, and you!

September 19, 2011

You Spot It... You Got It!

I saw a magazine article with this title a few years ago. The idea was often the traits we are so quick to criticize in others are, in fact, characteristics we criticize, fear, or wrestle with in ourselves, deep down. And ever since I read that title, I've noticed it to be true of myself and those close to me.

People who have struggled with being overweight or have obesity genetics in their close family tend to notice and criticize others around them who are over-weight to a far greater degree than those without a weight issue. People who struggle to always tell the truth, vehemently berate people who are dishonest. Those who struggle with close relationships often abhor any public display of affection. Many who are somehow disempowered or unhappy, often chastise people struggling to make good decisions in their lives.

Judging others assumes your way is the right way and theirs is, well... wrong. It doesn't change much and it doesn't make you feel any better, in the long run.

The next time you feel yourself judging or being critical of another person, here are a few tips which have helped me. Consider these questions:

What if there was far more to the story of their lives which created this trait than you could ever imagine. For example, maybe there was some abuse in their past causing this knee-jerk behavior, maybe they are 300 lbs. now but were 400 lbs. a year ago and this is already a huge improvement for them, maybe their over-reaction is due to a recent trauma in their life such as an unexpected death or illness. There's almost always more to the story and once you know it, you have a different (at least expanded) viewpoint.
Like you, this person was once an innocent, loving child... and that child still lives somewhere deep within all of us. When you look at them today... can you imagine their good intentions? Can you "see" the child they once where? Somehow I find this softens me toward them.
Who am I to judge anyone? Haven't I gotten it all wrong in my life sometimes? And what difference does it make in the world?
Why do I spot this so often? Why do I feel so compelled to judge this person? What am I getting out of this? What is here for me to learn about myself?
What is good, right, lovely, interesting, creative, funny about this person or situation? What reminder does this person bring up for me for which I am grateful?

I don't always get this right but I do find that these thoughts and questions help me to catch myself more quickly in the act and remember my higher self and the bigger, more loving person I hope to become.