Susanne West's Newsletter: MAKING JOY A HABIT

We spend a lot of time longing, wishing for what we don't yet have. Happiness is just around the corner. It's as if we're always leaning into tomorrow, waiting for the next desire to be satisfied. We think, "I'll be happy when I lose 15 pounds, secure the perfect job, get a book published....." If we just try a little harder, reach a little more..... Caught up in this pursuit, we end up missing the rich life that is right under our noses.

I'm sure you've noticed that when you do realize some of your dreams, it's not long before you're reaching for the next star. The feeling of satisfaction doesn't last very long. I call this "the failure of the wishing tree." I had firmly believed that I'd be completely fulfilled if my daughter went into remission from her health condition. Then I was sure that my happiness rested on becoming Chair of the Department, then.....fill in the blank. One after another, my wishes came true. I'd be happy for awhile, then my seeker self would creep back in and I was on to the next quest. Soulmate! Find him and that will do it. Well, I did find him, loved him, married him, still love him, and that's still not IT. I now know that there are no IT's. I jokingly told my husband, John, "I'm sorry, honey. I love you, but you're just not IT!"

What is IT? I experience IT when I'm fully present, neither lost in regret about the past nor hanging onto the promise of some future attainment. I know then that I am enough and whatever is so is enough. I'm content at those times, aligned with my deepest essence. The constant craving has abated. Then, when I do have a goal or desire, it feels like a preference rather than a demand.

There's nothing wrong with goals. It's wonderful to fully actualize our gifts and potentials, and enjoy the fruits of this life. But suffering can ensue if we attach our sense of well-being to the gain or loss of fleeting experiences and acquisitions. A deep sense of happiness that is not dependent on changing conditions is always available, though. It's as close as your breath, as close as the tea you are sipping, words you are reading, the comfortable chair you're sitting in. It's here and it's now. We are fortunate. Look at all we have in this moment.

"Life can only be found in the present moment. The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we don't go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be in touch with life." - Thich Nhat Hanh