Internal Mediation Leads to Life of Joy and Peace
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Dear Friends,
I've just returned home from the German village of Reimlengen, near Munich where I had a very powerful experience leading a 9-day CNVC International Intensive Training (IIT). The IITs were created and developed by NVC founder Marshall Rosenberg, and, until recently, Marshall was the only one who led them. This one had over 60 participants from around 10 different countries. Translators were present to help everyone understand each other. My head and heart are awash in memories of deeply moving moments spent working with IIT participants my co-trainers. I'd like to share with you one of the most profound events from my time there.
Partway through the training a participant (whom I'll call "Mary") approached me to report that her heart rate was spiking to dangerous levels because of an inner conflict. This physical reaction to inner turmoil was not new to her; she had experienced it before and had actually needed to go to the hospital on several occasions. Mary asked if I would work with her on her inner conflict, believing this would help her with her physical condition. She also told me she was prepared to go to the hospital if it didn't. With trepidation I agreed to try. As we took our seats before a crowd of observers, a friend of Mary's confided her anxiety that Mary's decision to work with me might be dangerous to Mary's health, and that she had the number of the ambulance at the ready. We asked Mary again if she was absolutely sure she wanted to work with me that night. She said yes, unreservedly. I swallowed hard, thanked the friend for her care and concern, and Mary and I began.
Mary had been to a session on "Scary Honesty" that I had offered earlier in the training, and, during that session, she had started to feel the tension build in her. She talked about a tremendous fear and pressure she was experiencing. Her heart she said wanted to be honest and free about what it wanted for her life, but the rest of her was terrified by this. I framed this in my mind as an internal mediation and proceeded to empathize with these two parts of Mary. The "Fear" part wanted her to behave as she always had, as she had learned growing up in her family, to be the way her parents and others wanted. She had found safety, security and connection through doing this. But Mary's heart was telling her that it no longer wanted to continue living this way, and that it would not submit. The Heart said it wanted to live in joy and peace and ease, not be driven by overwork, over-activity and stress. Fear and Heart where locked in a deadly battle. As I deeply listened and empathized with each part of the conflict, the tension around Mary's heart began to ease. When I asked each part how it felt about the needs of the other, the Heart responded that it appreciated how Fear had been trying to protect and care for her. Fear said that it, too, wanted what the Heart wanted: fun, joy and freedom and didn't want to keep living that other way either. Mary started smiling and laughing - actually, it was more like giggling with mirth and joy. She said the tension in her heart had completely disappeared, and that she was feeling relaxed and happy. When I saw her again the next day, she told me that she had checked her heart rate after our session and it had returned to normal. Her heart rate remained normal throughout the rest of the training. Every time I saw Mary she had a radiant and peaceful smile on her face.
I'm now settling back into the rhythms of life with my family and my work that I love and cherish so much at home. I'm also getting excited to go to the 2nd intensive of our East Coast program next week, and also to begin the 2012 Immersion Year in the Heartland (in Kansas City, MO). The first Heartland intensive happens May 31-June 4. I invite anyone who may be interested in checking out our training program to join us at Unity Village. The experience there is always exceptional. Oh, and tuition discounts are available to anyone who registers for the Heartland program before May 1.
Here's hoping that you are enjoying the spring and finding plenty of opportunities to learn and grow.
Warm regards,
John Kinyon
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