December 2011 - Soul Connections

Soul Connections is the monthly newsletter of the Seat of the Soul Institute community. The intent of Soul Connections is to support you in creating authentic power and spiritual partnerships. Our vision is a world of seven billion people creating harmony, cooperation, sharing, and reverence for Life.


Dear Spiritual Partners,

Like the tides, the planets, and the seasons, our lives unfold in cycles. The high tide begins at the lowest point of the low tide. The low tide begins at the highest point of the high tide. The moment of ending cannot be separated from the moment of beginning, the moment of completion cannot be separated from the moment of renewal. There is only one moment, and in that moment an entire cycle completes itself and all that it contained ends forever and a new cycle with its chapters to be written, its own unfolding of life, death, and renewal, begins. The great limitation of the science that measures the world with sight, hearing, taste, touch, and smell – empirical science – is that it has no room for wisdom.

That is the great limitation of all five-sensory endeavors, including your life, when you see your experiences only through your eyes, ears, touch, taste, and nose. How many tides, seasons, or interactions will you measure with your mind before the knowledge you acquire is illuminated with the simple wisdom that at each moment you decide your experience of it. Will you experience a tragic ending or a boundless beginning? The moment is the same. All measurements of it are the same. You cannot change them. The only thing you can change is yourself. You can look for the tragedy or the blessing. Both are there for you to find. Both are always there. Which will you choose?



The winter solstice has always been special to me as a barren darkness that gives birth to a verdant future beyond imagination, a time of pain and withdrawal that produces something joyfully inconceivable, like a monarch butterfly masterfully extracting itself from the confines of its cocoon, bursting forth into unexpected glory. The death of a friend, an incapacitating illness, or a tragic loss are such times – times of hopelessness and despair, pain and confusion, when all bearing disappears and the void engulfs everything without mercy. These experiences are the soil in which the Universe plants the seeds of your potential for you to cultivate no matter what, and somehow you do, even in those times when you feel you have nothing left to give and no one to give it to.

Now I see more. The coming and going of the seasons give us more than the springtimes, summers, autumns, and winters of our lives. They reflect the coming and going of the circumstances of our lives like the glassy surface of a pond that shows our faces radiant with joy or contorted with pain. They also show us our amazing independence from our circumstances.

In cold or warmth, light or dark, deprivation or abundance, we can choose to respond with love or react in fear. Who could have dreamed such a choice is possible? When a child dies, we grieve and despair until we can see the change in our lives as a gift instead of a loss. Now millions of us are beginning to see the joyful AND the painful circumstances of our lives as opportunities to expand in love or contract in fear. We can experience anger, jealousy, loss, rage, or resentment without acting on it. We can act in love instead, even while we are immersed in anger, fear, jealousy, or rage. We can choose. We can cultivate care, patience, gratitude, and contentment each time we feel them. We can choose.

Each solstice shows us that we can choose. We cannot stop the winter or the summer from coming. We cannot stop the spring or the fall or make them other than they are. They are gifts from the Universe that we cannot refuse. But we can choose what we will contribute to Life when each arrives. We have always done that, and we always will. Now we have a new and liberating awareness. We can greet all the experiences of our lives joyfully and use them all wisely.

I would like to hear your comments.

Will you post them on the SoulBlog?


A new, media-rich, interactive, deeply supportive online course is heading your way soon. It is called Awakening to Spiritual Partnership, and it is designed especially for you. If Soul Connections are important to you, Awakening to Spiritual Partnership will be a treasure. It has beautiful videos, exercises, interactive features, meditations, a SoulLog to record your answers and track changes in your understanding over time, and an online Spiritual Partnership community to share your experiences with other students and learn what they are experiencing.

We will let you know when this course, under development for two years, will be available.

Stay tuned.



For most of my life I have been grateful when I felt connection with others and my heart was open. However, one of the many realizations I had when I first read The Seat of the Soul in 1989 was that I could chose to open my heart. That I actually have a choice about that even when I don’t feel like it is possible to do that. For example, when things don’t go the way I want them to and I feel angry, upset, jealous, judgmental etc

I had a perfect opportunity to try this out in a big, big way not very long after I read the book. I was in what I believed was a monogamous relationship and so excited because this man was spiritual and loving and I met him at a spiritual retreat. What could be better? Besides he was very masculine, an artist, and had a wonderful accent. However, I did what I had always done in a relationship – I let the fear-based parts of my personality that were physically attracted to him lead the way. I was completely avoiding what was actually going on. Since we didn’t live close to each other (3 hours away) I was always happy to see him, and I didn’t notice any of the clues that anything but perfect bliss was happening. Then about a year and a half into the relationship I found out from someone who did not know we were in a relationship that my monogamous spiritual relationship was not that way on his part, in fact, he was engaged to be married to someone else!

This was definitely not what I wanted to happen. My heart hurt so much, and I could not stop sobbing for what seemed like a very long time. I felt I knew what people meant by having a dark night of the soul. I felt violated and betrayed. Those were the words, but the physical sensations in my body were so strong. I felt completely powerless. As the pain became less intense, I began to have different experiences. I began to realize that the Universe was showing me things about myself. I began to see that the betrayal and violation I felt because of his actions were showing me parts of myself that I did not want to know about and had avoided considering until this experience. I felt so fragile, and yet I felt warmth inside of me I had never felt before. I knew I had been given such a huge gift of seeing parts of myself that were based in fear that I had rigorously avoided looking at in this lifetime and perhaps in many other lifetimes.

I heard his van pull up into my driveway the next day. I asked the Universe to support me, and I remembered that I would not be given more than I could handle. I was able to completely keep my heart open to him and thank him for the great gift his actions had supported me in learning about myself. I knew I did not want to continue even a friendship because I knew that fear-based parts of him were controlling his actions, and he wasn’t open to looking at that. Most importantly, I knew that I could love myself in a grounded and healthy way for the first time. Instead of looking outside myself for the right one to complete me, I would become the right one for me, and I did.

"Choice is the engine of our evolution. Where are your choices taking you?"

Gary Zukav
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