Greetings!
Good morning! Hard to believe we're almost through the winter! Does your company have a handbook? We do, and our Regulations Committee just met to update our Cell Phone Policy. We're throwing it out there for your consumption before we show our associates (we call them Partners)- all your thoughts are welcome.
Section 34a. Cell Phone Regulations
1. No texting or dialing while driving. We always put our Partners' safety first and insist on phones actually being off while you are driving. In addition, we are looking to assist those promoting legislation that disables the phone while the car is moving.
2. Phone may only be used for social use after scheduled WWAD hours. There is zero expectation for returning business related texts/emails.
Our families are too important and they deserve our undivided attention. A matter of fact, tonight, at some point when they're not expecting it, give your spouse a pinch on the <lower> cheek. Grab a good amount - not a handful, more like an inch - you know, like you mean it. When they turn around, give 'em a big smile and tell them you love them. Then go for a walk together. (This is NOT reading like a Regulation Handbook!)
3. If you choose to use the phone in the company restroom, no extraneous noises should be discernible to the party with whom you are sharing the call, especially if it is a business call.
*After 12 consecutive months with WWAD this rule is relaxed when the 2nd party is a WWAD Partner.
4. All WWAD partners need to be aware of current cell phone recommendations (regarding cancer) from the ACS, FDA, and CDC. They will all be posted in the WWAD Commissary. Their statements are as follows:
The American Cancer Society (ACS) states that there could be some risk associated with cancer, but the evidence is not strong enough to be considered causal and needs to be investigated further. Individuals who are concerned about radiofrequency exposure can limit their exposure, including using an ear piece and limiting cell phone use, particularly among children. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA), which is responsible for regulating the safety of machines and devices that emit radiation (including cell phones), notes that studies reporting biological changes associated with radiofrequency energy have failed to be replicated and that the majority of human epidemiologic studies have failed to show a relationship between exposure to radiofrequency energy from cell phones and health problems. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) states that, although some studies have raised concerns about the possible risks of cell phone use, scientific research as a whole does not support a statistically significant association between cell phone use and health effects. 5. All WWAD associates that choose to use 'flip-phones' should be commended and are exempt from all rules except #1,2, and 4. We're old school. 6. If you are going to buy specialized ring tones, do it right. One of our heroes, Craig Krenzel, says, "If you're going to be a bear, be a Grizzly." If someone's phone goes off during a meeting, it better be "Let's Get it On" by Marvin or anything Samantha Fox.
All ringtones deemed unacceptable (soft pop, New Age, smooth Jazz, etc.) will result in loss of phone use for 72 hours. This decision is subjective and at the discretion of the RTC (Ring Tone Committee).
7. When our associates receive a call outside the 614 area code, they shouldto go to mute, hold the phone to the sky, and shout out their 3 digits, (e.g. "I've got 305!"). Hellooo Dade County.
8. Those silly apps like where you tilt the phone and it looks like you're drinking a beer or you can blow out a candle? All allowed (and at times encouraged).
9. Our WWAD Partners are brilliant. For the benefit of the Walk, we need them 'in the moment'. For this reason, if a Partner is engaged in conversation, the phone is not to be looked at, let alone answered.
If a phone 'rings' during a conversation (whether it's on vibrate or on an appropriate ring tone) the call receiver is expected to 'ride it out'. By this we mean there shall be no change in facial expression, tone of the conversation, or conversation topic.
10. No phones in our Rain Forest. Those of you who've toured our HQ have undoubtedly seen our Rain Forest. Phones will no longer be allowed. There are multiple reasons - (a) our monkeys will snatch immediately (they especially like Droids), (b) the new extremes in humidity will make non-modified smartphones inoperable with 5 minutes, (c) the parrot.
When that parrot hears a ring tone?
About 9 weeks ago, well after hours, I was taking Bob L., EVP of a large potential sponsor through the forest. Bob's not a small guy, about 5'11, #270-280. Next thing I know I hear our macaw way up in one of our papaya trees, "I like a big butt and I cannot lie... The macaw was very well hidden. Bob looks over at me after an awkward 3 seconds where we were both pretending nothing had happened.
"Excuse me?" says Bob.
I kept quiet.
45 seconds later, Bob is bending down feeding nectar to one of our bright yellow butterflies.
From high up in the fruit tree comes, "You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that butt!"
Bob didn't even turn around. He simply stood up, straightened his tie, and walked right out to his car. Needless to say, the promising relationship was over.
I made that damn bird listen to Kenny G. for a week straight.
("This is in the Official WWAD Company Handbook?")
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