We are in the process of lining up some very bright interns for the 2012 WWAD summer. These interns will provide us with brilliant minds and a strong work ethic - allowing us to rapidly launch more and more walk sites. In preparation for May, we wanted to liven up the office - make it a fun place for our college/med students. Like Google.
While our Intern Planning Sub-Committee on Recreation (IPC-R) had many great ideas, one in particular stuck out to me - a Zip Line. I insisted it was too dangerous for
outside
the office, so against the (very strong) wishes of the IPC I placed it indoors.
For those who have been to our office, I installed this 45 foot, 3/8" line of galvanized steel (14,400 lb braking strength) from our lobby to the absolute rear of the main hallway. Due to the lack of any considerable drop, the IPC became concerned with the ability to build speed (now wonder if they were 'playing' with me?). To prove them wrong, I made the incorrect decision to lube the entire cable with mechanic's grease
and
85 packets of K-Y that I "borrowed" from the primary care office next door. This decision would not only create the unsafe speed of 27+ miles per hour (dangerous for indoors), but I'm certain made for some emotional prostate exams over the ensuing week.
For additional atmosphere, I'd lined the hallway with all six of our office ficus trees, therefore creating the illusion that our interns would be zipping across the top of the forest canopy. I'd also turned the thermostat up to 92 degrees and had iPods up and down the corridor streaming jungle sounds. (One of our IT guys was sitting in a room off to the side playing bongo drums)
This combination of executive decisions led the IPC to insist I take a couple of test runs, under their observation.
One was all that was needed.
When I felt we were all set, I smiled at our staff (all of whom appeared present), put on my helmet, and double-clipped onto the Zip Line - asking Kathryn if she would push me.
She felt Brian, a former UT middle linebacker (2004-6) in our labor law division, would be more appropriate.
I don't remember much after that.
What the staff shared with me in the ICU is that I made it over the first three trees fine, but not the fourth. This particular ficus upset my balance, spinning me 180 degrees and hurdling me into multiple glass-framed newspaper articles on the east wall of our main hallway. Unfortunately, I had lost consciousness at this point and was therefore not aware that I needed to unclip. Despite the obstacles, the grease and K-Y allowed me to maintain my speed right into our executive VP's office, which is where his coat-rack lodged between my 7th and 8th ribs (right side), creating the pneumothorax. The intensity of this jarring did release one of the clips sending me into the double-paned window off the back of his office upside down. When I hit the rear wall, it forced release of the final clip and I came straight down cracking my helmet in the process. Looking on the brighter side, I was already unconscious when this occurred, and again, do not remember a thing.
In short, we are now very excited for our 2012 WWAD Intern Class and we're in the process of installing a high-quality ping-pong table to keep them entertained.
