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Greetings!
Good morning! Hope today's communication finds you safe, warm, and dry. I polled my patients this week and 37% are currently building an ark (rimshot).
Thank you for taking this part of your day to spend with us.
The WNSC (Walk Newsletter Screening Committee) is away at a conference, so today's communication was not previewed.
In other words, if you have something you could be doing right now that is even of the slightest importance, please opt for that in place of reading the following communication. If you neglect to do so, you are about to give up 5 minutes that you will never get back. Consider yourself warned.
Wow! Things are popping in Walk with a Doc Land. This week we are thrilled and very proud that the Sanger Heart & Vascular Group (www.sangerheart.org) in Charlotte is having their initial walk. This week also brought us great initial conversations with groups in Farmington Hills, MI; St. Paul, MN; Landis, N.C., and Westerville, OH.
Not only has WWAD been busy (with Kathryn presenting at various Columbus health fairs), but also the hospital census has been full, and the kids are in full activity mode with my wife Krissy out of town.
(By the way, if you ever find yourself having chest pain chew 4 baby aspirin and call 9-1-1 immediately - that is the RIGHT thing to do and you can save your life.)
On an unrelated note, something interesting happened to me this Monday. But first, let's return to last Thursday.
I had been yukking it up with the 4 North unit clerk about how cool it would be to have some extra help. You know, someone to run kids to their activities, iron clothes, wash dishes - you understand. Turns out that one of my residents, Dr. Petrov, was listening in from across the nursing station. Mikhail Petrov is new to my service and has started out amazingly well.
I don't mean to downplay the rest of the team's efforts, but he's been unreal.
He's breaking his back to micro-manage our patients and working equally hard to keep me pleased, as I'm the one grading him.
Mikhail interestingly, has already been a physician in Omsk for 11 years. Now he has to fully repeat his training for his US Medical Licensure. Anyway last Friday at lunch, he asked if I could keep this Monday evening free. He wanted to get a beer and compare notes on how medicine is practiced in our two countries. Sounds cool, sure. I secure a babysitter with Krissy being out of town.
Monday he shares that he wants to eat at the Port Columbus Max & Erma's. I find that an odd selection (eating 20 miles away from the hospital at an airport). I ring it up as a cultural difference.
Anyway, that night we are 30 minutes into drinks and Mikhail's voice takes on a more serious tone as he changes the subject. He puts his hand on my forearm and shares he overheard me talking "with nurse". He can't believe "I can manage all activity" and wants to "help". He instructs me that he has found a woman to answer the phones at WWAD, drive the kids to their practices, and even "draw bath" (wink, wink) for me. I'm quickly realizing he has not asked, nor realized that I'm married. I start to laugh..."She arriving Air Moscow, Gate C46, 8:17!"
It hits me.
He bought me a mail-order bride.
He bought me a mail-order bride!
I abruptly stop laughing.
I've suddenly lost feeling in both hands and my right foot. I hurriedly try to spit out that I'm married, but I've got no voice. I literally can't talk.Then, as if on cue, he stands up looking over my right shoulder. "Nikita?!"
Have you ever heard of a vasovagal reaction? I have a classic one - symptoms include profuse sweating, a drop in blood pressure and heart rate, nausea, and pre-syncope (feeling you are going to pass out). As I turn to my right, I see a woman in her mid to late 40's with an abundance of dark facial hair rapidly approaching. She is a little person, probably 4'7" or 4'8" however she is covering ground quickly.
She is sporting a beautiful dress of browns, greens, and golds with red accents. Over this rests a crisp, oversized white T-shirt that is almost reaching her ankles. It reads "I (Heart) NY". She picked this up at LaGuardia on the connection? She's dragging a large beige canvas bag. I cannot make out a word of what she is saying but she is quite animated and apparently very excited to be in the U.S.
I stand back, my mind racing as Dr. Petrov is joyfully engaged in a rapid conversation with Nikita that includes a lot of hand gestures.
Suddenly, he holds up his index finger, grabs his phone, pauses and runs away. I stay put, whistling and tapping my foot. 5 minutes pass before the text.
"Cardiac tamponade in ER! Sorry, on way to hospital - MP." (Tamponade is a life threatening condition when the sac surrounding the heart, the pericardium, fills with fluid therefore impeding its expansion. It requires immediate drainage)
What in the world do I do now? You know what was I thinking? I'm such a jerk. Honestly, this woman is standing here alone, a million miles from home, and all I can think of is how easy this week's newsletter will be.
She obviously has nowhere to go. I smile and show her my keys; my way of offering a ride. To where? I have no idea. She smiles and we make our way through the rain to my car, she refuses to let me carry her bag. I'm now realizing I'm easily a foot and a half taller than her.
My mind continues to race. How am I going to explain this to Krissy?! (Actually, no problem, she's with her parents). How am I supposed to round on patients, iron my lab coat, pay the bills, keep the Walk popping with Kathryn out, get the kids to practice, and most importantly, solve this crisis?! I've never faced a panic attack, but that fortune is rapidly changing.
Wait a minute. Just a second. Petrov may be on to something.
While there certainly could be no hanky-panky, Nikita may have been just what the doctor ordered, both literally and figuratively. We pull in, and as I'm closing the umbrella on my front porch, Ally and Charlie open the door:
"Kids! I'd like you to meet Aunt Nikita?"
That was Monday night, the 25th. The last few days have been HEAVEN-SENT!. "Aunt" Nikita, has been cooking breakfast (kasha and bliny) for us then drives the kids to school as I head into work.
Last night at tuck-in, Ally shared she was glad "Aunt" Nikita has quick reflexes as she had been driving on the left hand side of the road. This occurred throughout Tuesday and most of Wednesday (puzzles me because in Russia they drive on the right.) Anyway, Nikita then meets up with me to round with the team. She's incredible! She'll alcohol swab my stethoscope, carry my doctor clipboard, and nod in agreement every time I talk, even though she can't understand a word I'm saying.
Better yet, every time I stop talking she shouts the same thing, "GENIUS!"
As soon as we're done seeing patients, she makes her way to the Walk Office. While Kathryn is doing the much needed spreading of the gospel at local health fairs, Nikita is being aggressive negotiating sponsorships. Just last night, I came over from 2 South and you would not have believed it. Her face was crimson and her were eyes bulging, She was jumping on her (actually Kathryn's) chair pounding her shoe on her (actually Kathryn's) desk while screaming Russian into the phone. Long story short (too late) she had just secured a major sponsorship with the largest Borscht distributor west of the Ukraine - all at 3 a.m. Russian Standard Time.
Now I'm left with a minor issue - Krissy gets in tonight.
She knows that I don't have a Russian sister, and I need Nikita more than Will Ferrell needs more cowbell.
If you have ANY thoughts, please hit reply to this email - if at all possible before the 7:32 Air Tran gets in from Ft. Myers.
Please find all of this week's walk details under the black shoes at (www.walkwithadoc.org).
*Due to rounding responsibilities, please note there will be no Highbanks walk tomorrow.
This may be a great opportunity to explore Eastland or Westerville. I tried to groom Nikita to take over the service, but we're still a week or so away.
If you still have questions or concerns please call 614-714-0407 and leave a message in my inbox.
We care about you and we are so glad you are exercising 150 minutes a week. Have a fantastic weekend.
Our best,
David
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