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| HOW YOU CAN HELP |
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Office Makeover
Our office is being relocated into a different room because of a building improvement project. This gives us the perfect opportunity to do a little makeover of our own. We need gently used office furniture, tall sturdy bookcases, file cabinets and a new desk for Patty.
Please let us know if you can contribute anything. Our official move date is Monday, February 4th. If you love to organize things, we'd love your help! |
| INSTRUCTOR TRAINING |
| Apply for the Certification Training Class of 2008
Applications for the 2008 Instructor Certification Program are due on or before January 31st.
Please submit a letter of interest that includes: a short summary of your relevant skills & experience, your current level of familiarity with Hand in Hand materials and methods, what it would mean to you to work as a certified Hand in Hand instructor, and three references. info@handinhandparenting.org |
| The CONNECTED PARENT |
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Moving Beyond "Yuck!"
If you can't fight 'em, playfully join 'em! Go ahead and adopt your child's attitudes toward food, playfully, and with relish. You be the person who is openly disgusted by carrots, or peas, or mashed potatoes. You make faces. You say, "Yuck!" and stick out your tongue.
This month's article on CleverParent.com addresses the question, "What do I do with a picky eater?" |
| ALIGNED PROFESSIONALS |
Dr. Daniel Siegel, author of "Parenting From the Inside Out" is currently an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the UCLA School of Medicine where he is on the faculty of the Center for Culture, Brain, and Development. He is also the Director of the Center for Human Development, an educational organization that focuses on how the development of individuals, families and communities can be enhanced by examining the interface of human relationships and basic biological processes.
Beyond informing the parent-child relationship, the larger goal of Dr. Siegel's work is to provide a scientifically grounded view of human experience to a wide audience that can help facilitate the development of psychological well-being and emotional resilience across the lifespan.
If you are interested in learning more about the fascinating work currently being done by Dr. Siegel in the field of Interpersonal Neurobiology, you can read this article, listen to his conversation with Daniel Goleman, "Better Parents, Better Spouses, Better People," or see Dr. Siegel in person in San Jose, CA this spring. |
| CONNECT NOW |
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Online Discussion Group for Hand in Hand
Do you ever want to connect with a warm, supportive and knowledgeable community --at three in the morning? Just in case you feel the need, the Hand in Hand discussion group is there for you, twenty-four hours a day.
Join the conversation! |
| EVENTS |
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Out and About in the Community
Already this year Hand in Hand speakers have been part of the Bay Area Parent/YMCA Preschool Preview, the San Mateo County Adoptive Parents group and the California Head Start Parent Conference. There are talks coming up on everything from "Separation" to "Hyperactivity" to "Loving Adolescence."
Check the full schedule here for a talk or class near you, or join us on January 31st for a free teleconference called, "If I Had Said That to My Mother..." | |
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| PARENTING TIP |
The Healing Power of Parenting
I have been attending Hand in Hand PlayMornings with my daughter for about six years now. She has grown from an active, spunky, determined and loudly expressive toddler into an active, spunky, determined and loudly expressive third-grader. But the changes in me are much more pronounced. Already thirty-five when my daughter was born, I had been looking forward to parenthood for many years. I had worked with children, watched carefully as my friends and relatives sailed into family life and read all the books about child development and what to expect. In other words, I was as clueless and unprepared for the reality of life with an infant as your average parent.
Sleep deprived, begrudgingly recovering from an unplanned C-section and terrified that I was doing a 'bad job' because my new 'boss' cried even when I thought I was parenting by the book, I gradually became afraid I was coming unhinged. I looked fine on the outside. I went to playgroup and Gymboree and baby music lessons. I took care of myself and my daughter. I compared Well Baby visits and teething tales with other moms in the park. Yet, at odd moments, I found myself seemingly irrationally furious over bits of my own childhood I hadn't considered in decades. Why was I plagued by thoughts of my less-than-ideal childhood when I should be enjoying my daughter's happy one?
That question nudged me forward into the eventual discovery of Hand in Hand and a much needed Tantrum Training class. I remember felling physically relieved and comforted by the time I left the first session of class. With the class gratefully completed, I still struggled with restimulation and being distracted from my daughter's present by my own past, but I had learned that was part of the package and a powerful opportunity for growth. Many re-readings of the Listening to Children booklets accompanied me on further journeys that opened up Special Time and Playlistening possibilities in my parenting and helped me move from the fog and anxiety of restimulation into the natural connection and joyful silliness I share with my daughter today.
So, this year I hope you will join me in reaching out to new parents. Even if they look like they have read all the books and know what to expect. I have a feeling some of them might appreciate a hand more than you might think.
Juli |
| START THE YEAR WITH PERSONAL SUPPORT |
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Hand in Hand Consulting FAQ
How does one-on-one parent consulting work?
Who are your parent consultants?
How do I get started?
How much does one-on-one consulting cost?
Can I pay by credit card?
What is your consulting schedule?
Is in-person consulting available?
What if it doesn't work out for me?
Q:How does one-on-one parent consulting work?
A: At Hand in Hand our specialty is helping parents nurture the connection with their children. We work primarily with individuals by telephone. Most of the parents we work with read our popular Listening to Children booklets before their first consultation. During the one-on-one consultation, you can discuss your unique family situation and get specific suggestions on how to apply our tools, reduce parental stress, build stronger connections in your family and minimize unhelpful conflict.
Q:Who are your parent consultants?
A: Our parent consulting is done by Hand in Hand staff members who are parents with substantial personal and professional experience using the Parenting by Connection approach.
Q:How do I get started?
A: Simply call or send an e-mail to schedule your first consultation. A consultant might be able to find time for you the same day you call, if you like. Also, you are welcome to call our office to chat informally about consulting or parenting, free of charge, no appointment necessary.
Q:How much does one-on-one consulting cost?
A: The fee for parent consulting by telephone is $50 for the first half-hour of each session and $15 for each fifteen minutes after that. Your consultant will work with you to manage your time together for the most benefit. In special cases, scholarships could even be arranged.
After you've scheduled a session, simply call the consultant at the scheduled time.
Q:Can I pay by credit card?
A: Hand in Hand accepts payments by check or by credit card. Personal checks, money orders, and travelers' checks are also welcome (in US dollars).
Q:What is your consulting schedule?
A: Hand in Hand consultants are usually available between 8:00 am and 8:00 pm, Pacific Time, Monday through Friday. Other times can be arranged individually as needed.
Q:Is in-person consulting available?
A: If a Hand in Hand consultant who is a good match for your family is available near you, in-person consultations can be arranged.
Q:What if it doesn't work for me?
A: Our intention is to make a real difference for you and your family, so we offer a simple guarantee: If you aren't completely satisfied with your consulting session, just let us know and we'll refund the fee for the session.
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| PARENTING, THE MIND AND MINDFULNESS |
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Three Different Views of Interpersonal Neurobiology
One of the things we enjoy so much about the work of Dr. Dan Siegel is the variety of viewpoints he makes use of to share his insights. There are three fascinating, but very different, books by Siegel on our Suggested Reading list. We hope you will find one here that interests you.
Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive was written with Mary Hartzell, M Ed. This book, required reading for Hand in Hand Certification candidates, helps parents delve into the ways their own childhood experiences color their lives as parents. And, as worthwhile as this book is, it will make you work! We suggest you read this with a friend or a group of like-minded parents so that you can share the wonderful exercises and discuss your discoveries along the way.
For those of you who are interested in the science of Interpersonal Neurobiology, the highly praised 2001 textbook on the subject is Dr. Siegel's The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are. Much more technical and broader in scope than Parenting from the Inside Out, this book explores the science of interpersonal relationships, attachment, the emergence of the human mind and how we are each shaped by the relationships that form the context of our developing neurobiology.
Readers interested in approaching the human condition through meditation rather than biology may be attracted to Dr. Siegel's new book, The Mindful Brain: Reflection and Attunement in the Cultivation of Well-Being that begins:
"Welcome to a journey into the heart of our lives. Being mindfully aware, attending to the richness of our here-and-now experiences, creates scientifically recognized enhancements in our physiology, our mental functions, and our inter-personal relationships. Being fully present in our awareness opens our lives to new possibilities of well-being.
Almost all cultures have practices that help people develop awareness of the moment. Each of the major religions of the world utilizes some method to enable individuals to focus their attention, from meditation to prayer, yoga to t'ai chi." |
| PARENT SUCCESS STORY |
Three Minutes of Listening Helps
I was recently visiting family with my two children and my husband. At one point when I was with my cousin, my youngest, 21 months old, was playing a bit rough with the dog. I was redirecting him and showing him how to use gentle touches with the dog. He stopped.
The dog was under the chair that my cousin was sitting on to do work on the computer. My son started to climb the chair and the dog growled at him as if to protect his owner. She misunderstood and thought he was being rough again and turned around and said, rather sternly, "Now Bobby, if you don't stop that I'm going to spank your hand. You can't do that to the dog." I quickly explained that he wasn't doing anything to the dog, just playing with her chair and scooped him up and took him out of the room.
A few minutes later, she came out and said, "I'm sorry. You know I wouldn't really do that but I had to get him to stop. I hope you don't think I'd do that." "I know," I said, "but next time I'd like you to just ask me to take him out of the room. I don't want him to be hit and I don't want him being told he's going to be hit." It was actually a very amicable conversation and I was pleased that I could be so clear with her without attacking her.
My husband and I left soon after. As we drove off in the car, I noticed I was feeling very anxious and scared and my thinking was fuzzy. I knew I could use some listening time. So when we stopped for gas, I went over to the side of the car where my husband was pumping gas and asked, "Could you just listen to me uninterrupted for about three minutes? I'm having some big feelings." "Sure," he said.
As I talked about what had happened at the house, I was able to remember:
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My cousin loves children and was operating on the best parenting information she's had access to. She is a good person and she cares deeply for my children.
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I was able to do what I felt was necessary to keep my child safe. I did the very best for him and am able to make good on the spot decisions. He will not be scarred by that incident.
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I am safe now. No one is going to hit me anymore. I know what to do to keep myself safe, and I am able to do that.
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The fear I was experiencing was old. (I was hit repeatedly as a child.)
It was amazing to me how quickly I could recover my thinking, offload that anxiety, move on to have a relaxing, fun day with my family, and have no ill feelings towards my cousin. Sometimes three minutes is all it takes!!!
--a mother in Austin, TX
Preserve your own peace of mind as a parent. Train someone close to you as a listener so that on a regular basis, or when times are tough, you have someone who can help you notice, identify, and shake the stresses that make parenting difficult. You deserve it! |
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Sincerely,
Julianne Idleman
Hand in Hand | |
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