Was I patient and understanding with Simba since in his old age, he was slow to move from arthritis? Yes
Am I patient with myself because of stiff joints and arthritis? No. More impatient and
sometimes angry but I'm working on releasing that.
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Did I allow Simba to come inside, and turn around to go back out minutes later, and then let him come back in, all within five minutes, sometimes less? Yes, I understood senior dogs get senile.
Am I understanding with myself when I am in the car and forget something and maybe
have to go back inside several times before leaving the driveway? No. I know I'm not senile, (although family members may think differently at times :) But I do get frustrated for forgetting things.
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Did I make sure Simba's food was easy for him to chew in his old age? Yes.
Do I take enough time to make sure I chew my food well for better digestion? Nope. Many times shove it down in a rush.
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Did I smile and send love to him, just sitting with him in the backyard? Yes
Do I sit with myself and send love? I do, but not as often as I like to.
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One of the last things Simba taught me aside from being compassionate with him, was reminding me how important it is to ask a senior what they want in their life, even a dog.
We knew for at least a year with his severe arthritis that he wasn't going to be around much longer. I asked people at the zoo where I volunteer, his vet, and various other people, when the time was right, even though I went through this with our German Shepherd ten years ago, and knew the exact time.
But, it occurred to me, I never asked Simba. So when his legs buckled from underneath him in the kitchen the other day, and he was sprawled out on the floor, I said to him, "Simba, ol guy, you're going to have to tell me when the time is right for you to go."
Walt and I were careful. We didn't want to put him down because we couldn't stand looking at him in pain, even though he lived on pain medication. He was still eating, and up until about a week ago, he wanted to go for his walk.
Anyway, after I had this talk with him, he went straight downhill within a couple of hours. I won't get into all the depressing details, but it was clear, it was time for him to go. He gave us the signs. It would be cruel to wait till morning. That was the night we said goodbye.
We found a wonderful emergency vet. They had a room with comforting soft lighting for this type of thing. The staff lovingly placed him on a beautiful baby blanket. When it was time, I laid my head on top of his and wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly, telling him I love him and thanked him for being in our life, while the doctor injected the fluid in his front leg.
Simba quickly drifted off to a pain-free, peaceful sleep in my arms. I was given time to be alone with him and I sat alone in the softly dim room with my loyal companion for about 20 minutes, just staring at my old friend, who was now finally at rest. There was such peace and love in that room.
His face had reverted back to looking like the puppy who strayed onto our yard 16 years ago. Having no luck finding his owner, we kept him and named him Simba because he looked just like a lion with his large mane. He helped raise and entertain our 3 kids, allowing them to romp and roll around on the floor with him. They hugged and pulled on him and he responded with licks to their face. As gentle as he was to them, he was a fierce, protective watch dog.
Simba taught me a lot of compassion for senior dogs, but his passing reminded me to be compassionate with myself.
Our pets have one mission in life. They come into our lives to teach us unconditional love.
So the questions I am asking, are you compassionate with yourself? Are you giving yourself love?
(in case you missed it. Simba's pics at the top of this email)
