The "Today" Show on NBC recently aired an interview with a mother who wrote a book about her son, titled "The Princess Boy." Her son loves to wear pink and dress up in princess costumes. Questions about young children dressing in clothing of the opposite gender have been asked on www.drterrierose.com.
Q: My 3-year-old son only plays with dolls and dress-up clothes. Should I be concerned?
A: It's common and completely normal for 2- and 3-year-olds to make believe they are the opposite gender. Imitation plays a big role in child's play: They pretend to be mommy, daddy, the baby or a family pet. Even 4- and 5-year-olds will try out activities that our culture characterizes as typical of the opposite gender. (I love the photo of my husband painting my son's toenails as my son looks on, dressed in his favorite baseball shirt. With two older sisters, he didn't want to miss out on anything.)
Early childhood is a time when children identify strongly with each parent: They test out how they can be like-or not like-mom or dad. It's not at all unusual for 2- and 3-year-old boys to talk about giving birth and breast feeding babies.
On the other hand, some children's general interests may develop predominantly in areas that their culture characterizes as "feminine" or "masculine." Every culture defines these identities differently, often in ways that deny our human complexity and self-determination. Adults ask my friend's son - a gifted artist - what sport he plays during the summer, and are perplexed when he says, "none." My niece's school forced her to quit football when the rules changed from flag to tackle.
Clearly, however, individuals break these "rules" all the time: America produces countless talented male artists and female athletes. When we encourage our children to go ahead and follow their passions, research suggests that they'll develop advantages such as emotional flexibility and better social skills.
Should you be concerned? Most likely he is experiencing typical exploration and imitation. Here are the important questions to consider:
1. Are you, your spouse/partner, or child experiencing significant distress as a result of his choices or rejections of activities related to his gender?
2. Is he overly insistent that he is the opposite sex to the point that it is distressing for him?
3. Does he express persistent discomfort with his gender?
If the answer is yes to one or more of these questions, please consider seeking guidance from a mental health professional. Distress related to gender identity can be bewildering for parents, anxiety-producing for your child, and the source of extreme family conflict. And "Parenting 101" doesn't prepare us to negotiate these unexpected paths. Remember that you, your child, and family deserve support, guidance and strategies to reduce your worries and angst.
Read more - or ask a question - at www.drterrierose.com
