Question: My 18-month- old has started screaming when he doesn't get what he wants and will not be distracted from his goal. The screaming is disturbing but I don't want to encourage it by giving in. What should I do?

Terrie's Answer: A screaming toddler can make life difficult, particularly when you're exhausted or taking your son out in public (or both). The good news is that this stage usually only lasts for a few weeks, which may still feel unbearable. With your consistent responses, both of you will survive this disruption.

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A toddler deploys whatever method will work fastest to get what he wants. When he has only a few words, a limited ability to wait, and overwhelming feelings; screaming can be an effective go-to strategy if you reinforce it. As you've pointed out, giving him the cookie or putting in the video he demands ends the screaming in the short-term but only reinforces it in the long-term. Here are a few considerations:

When your son is screaming for something that you want to give him, clear explanations with gestures can be helpful. For example, with your hands cupped over your ears while shaking your head say, "Too loud." If he continues, just continue your physical prompt until he quiets. Then tell him the word you want him to use in place of screaming (like "sippy cup"). Note: He doesn't have to repeat the word - you're simply reinforcing that a nice, quiet word matches what he wants.

When he screams for something you don't want to give him or when he's resisting an action, think "red cup-blue cup." Present alternatives of something he can have or do. If he's screaming about leaving a store when there is no choice about leaving, give him controlled choices "Walk or carry?" "Shoes or coat first?" If he can't make the decision, you make it: "Okay, mommy help shoes first."

The hardest situations are those in public places. While it truly is best to limit these challenging situations for toddlers as much as you can, sometimes these circumstances are unavoidable. (I still remember my daughter having a tantrum in the middle of Target. I kept repeating semi-calmly, "I know you are mad.") My mantra was less directed at my daughter than at the adults around us who probably wondered if I'd noticed that my toddler was on the floor screaming. It may be helpful to rehearse your own script for these times when you want to reassure others (and yourself) during these meltdowns that your child is safe and understood. This, too, shall pass. Read more - or ask a question - at www.drterrierose.com