A: You're right - this is a complicated process: seeking advice can be both helpful and confusing. Let's pull apart the situation from a variety of perspectives:

School: The teacher's expertise and partnership is a key to building a supportive team for your child. It sounds like your son has an informed and caring teacher with some knowledge about specific learning disabilities. While it is true that qualifying for services is a matter of proving a significant difference between ability and achievement-something your child's teacher may already have a sense of-a parent always has the right to request an evaluation. This is the only way to know for sure, at this point, if your son already qualifies. In addition, schools are well positioned, although under-funded, to provide a comprehensive evaluation that can help lead you and his teacher towards effective strategies at building academic skills.

Friendly advisors: As most of us are still influenced by our own childhood perceptions of special education and mental illness, my guess is that all of the advice you're hearing is appealing. Waiting for an evaluation taps into your hope that nothing is really wrong and that your child will outgrow the issues. Turning to a tutor without pursuing an educational evaluation (or medical/psychological diagnosis) pulls at your desire to normalize the child's needs. After all, lots of kids get tutoring.

Parents: In our fantasies about parenting, rarely do we dream about having a child with disabilities. Starting down a road that considers this possibility can be overwhelming, confusing, and painful: no one wants their child to bear the burden of being measurably different from their peers. Getting an evaluation may appeal to your sense that knowledge is power, which can lead to change, but also acknowledges the potential depth of the problem. Finding your own support, maybe from parents, whose children use special education service is essential.

I recommend pursuing the evaluation in the same way you would pursue a diagnosis for a physical problem. That is, if you and your child's teacher had noticed that he visits the bathroom and drinking fountain often, and is cranky and tired after eating, you could observe him for a few more months, try to cut down on his sweets, or see the pediatrician to rule out diabetes. My guess is that you would consider the first two options and then do the last one. Your son is fortunate to have you as his advocate. I hope you find the answers you need.