Father's Day is approaching and for many of us it will be a day of remembering our fathers who are no longer living. This significant time can be difficult and challenging.

This is a quote from Tomas Wolf, The Bonfire of the Vanities. His description of fatherhood is moving and poignant.

"Sherman made the terrible discovery that men make about their fathers sooner or later ... that the man before him was not an aging father but a boy, a boy much like himself, a boy who grew up and had a child of his own and, as best he could, out of a sense of duty and, perhaps love, adopted a role called Being a Father so that his child would have something mythical and infinitely important: a Protector, who would keep a lid on all the chaotic and catastrophic possibilities of life."

When we lose this Protector, we may feel "off balance," and confused. Many people report that they try to get their bearings again, but the ground is not solid under their feet.

What can we do to handle the complex feelings we experience?

1.       Take with you the gifts your father gave you. Make them part of your life.

2.       His legacy was not about material goods.His legacy may have been about wisdom and honor.

3.       His legacy may have been about humility and goodness.

4.       His legacy may have been about activism and involvement in his community.

5.       His legacy may have been about courage and hard work.

6.       His legacy may have been about love and tenderness.

7.       Teach these lessons to your children, and you will hear your father's voice.

Take time to honor your father by talking about him. It's acceptable to feel sad and lonely at this time. Your father was a big part of who you are. Grieving is not about forgetting; it's about remembering.

We can feel protected by our memories. We can learn to be Protectors.