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Don't forget the Agape Annual Celebration at the Memorial Art Gallery, April 8th, 6:30 - 8:30. Call for tickets 585-385-6030
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Churches and accountability
In a national study done by the Barna Group, results indicate that only 5% of people who identify themselves as Christians and are involved with a church say that their church does anything to hold them accountable for biblical behaviors. The groups most likely to say they had church centered accountability were evangelicals, (15%), adults in western states,(10%), people who identify themselves as social and political conservatives,(9%), and Baby Busters,(8%). While 7% of Protestants claimed to have accountability, there were not any Catholic adults surveyed who claimed to be held accountable by their church. The most common approach to accountability was through small groups.
(Barna Group 2010)
www.barna.org
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Call to sign up if you are interested in Agape's next offering of Training Lay Counselors. Call the office at 585-385-6030 |
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Coming Along Side
by: Kathy Elliott
Guiding individuals in therapy to find an accountability partner or group has long been my desire. People who find their way to Celebrate Recovery or AA, who find a mentor, who surrender themselves to the loving and honest feedback of caring group members, find support that enhances and accelerates the therapy and/or growth process.
Jimmy told me he would not have stayed with the necessary heart exercise regimen if his accountability group had not shown up to make sure he went to the gym. Kelly said she continued to do the strenuous work of recovery because her three friends challenged her daily until she could find the inner strength to follow through on the program she had started.
Accountability groups can offer sensitivity, challenge, options and alternatives, and models for imitation of character and values. But Dr. Henry Cloud cautions us in How People Grow that accountability is not a cure for lack of self-control. Accountability is like a temperature gauge that tells you when you have a problem-it exposes the problem-but it does not fix the problem. Accountability is a coming along side that encourages the person to enter the process of discipline and structure needed to find healing for what is causing the problem -- to make sure the person is doing the things he needs to be doing to change: go to meetings, engage in therapy, do spiritual disciplines, seek and give forgiveness, go to the gym, etc.
Sometimes we expect God to work His grace in us supernaturally, to speak to us and give direction in life audibly, to heal our hurts and depression with a zap. But God uses people to speak wisdom to us, to give a contagious energy and direction, to comfort and give strength. As Dr. Cloud says, "God did not delegate the process to people....He wore people as his uniforms." What a wonderful definition of accountability -- being gently pushed forward in a context of transparent loving relationship.
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Are you my keeper? Accountability after infidelity
by: Debbie Williams
Relationships can experience many threats, but few are as damaging as infidelity. If a couple is able to do the work of recovery following an affair, the question of accountability becomes a major concern. Because infidelity only happens in the context of a relationship, the healing process involves both the offended spouse and the unfaithful spouse. Ironically, the healing depends most heavily on the efforts of the one who was responsible for much of the pain. The spouse who was betrayed, however, has a strong need to be aware of whether or not the unfaithful partner can be trusted. This puts the offended spouse in the position of holding the other accountable.
Regaining trust is a long and difficult process that requires patience and clear expectations. During the time that a couple is struggling to regain their relationship footing, emotions will be intense and ever shifting. It is important that the spouse who is trying to demonstrate trustworthiness be willing to go above and beyond in efforts to be transparent and accountable. This is not a permanent position, but while the offended spouse is recovering, the unfaithful spouse must provide evidence of how time and money is spent. Being proactive is a major advantage - volunteering to produce receipts, initiating phone calls to demonstrate accountability, and inviting the offended spouse to check phone records and emails will encourage the healing process.
No marriage is ever the same after infidelity. The couples who survive are most likely to be the ones who are able to learn what made them vulnerable to the affair and are able to create new patterns of knowing and understanding each other. It is not a process to be taken lightly and finding the right resources is essential. Agape can help with our trained therapists as well as with referrals to psychologists, psychiatrists, and other resources.
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"Accountability breeds response-ability "
- Steven R Covey
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Our Greatest Accountability
by: Kelly Hammel
I recently began reading The Hole in Our Gospel by Richard Stearns, the Executive Director of World Vision.The book highlights the fact that while we American Christians are very comfortable teaching the message of God's love and "loving God with all our heart, soul and mind," we often lose sight of the second greatest commandment, according to the book of Matthew. In Matthew chapter 22:34-40 we are told that the second greatest commandment is to "love your neighbor as yourself." The Hole in Our Gospel challenges us to ask ourselves, "Who is your neighbor?" Is it only the people who live next door? The author stretches us to think of all God's people as our neighbors, even if they are several countries away. One of my favorite quotes in the book was from an anonymous writer who states, "Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, suffering, and injustice when He could do something about it. Some say, 'Well, why don't you ask Him?' Because I'm afraid He would ask me the same question."
Richard Stearns responds by saying,
"We must not, as Christians, stick our heads in the sand and pretend that the world is doing just fine because we are. We must not avert our eyes, like the priest and the Levite, walking by those suffering on the other side of the road-our neighbors. We must face the brutal facts about poverty and injustice-only then can we take the first steps to respond. But the magnitude of the problems facing the poor can be overwhelming and can drive us away. That is why it is so critical to remember these three principles: Every one of these hurting people is created in God's image and loved by him. Every one of these challenges has a solution. And lastly, every one of us can make a difference."
How's that for accountability? This perspective challenges the way we view our lives as American Christians and may prompt us to re-evaluate our comfortable conclusions.
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