Dia de los Muertos, The Day of the Dead. The name is a bit misleading in that the preparations for and celebrations of the holiday take place over weeks. The two most important days, however, are November 1st and 2nd. On the 1st, those who passed as infants and little children known as angelitos (little angels) are remembered. On November 2nd, the adults in spirit have their day.
Altars festooned with pictures, candles, flowers, food, sweets and even cigarettes are created with the full expectation that the spirits of those who have passed will make a visit for the holiday. Folk art skeletal figurines create tableaux of death in the midst of life; characters play cards, shoot pool and make music.
Incense is burned to help the spirits find their way home. Candles are lit in remembrance.
As I've learned more about the holiday, I've come to appreciate how we can all use aspects of the celebration to help us feel closer to those we love in spirit. Here are just a few suggestions:
Decorate. Many of us already have areas in our homes that help us feel close to those to those we love in spirit; a mantle with family photos, a night table with a beloved picture, a dresser with a jewelry box filled with mementos, a room with stuffed animals on the bed where a young person used to sleep. Adding flowers, especially the kind most enjoyed by loved ones while on earth not only brings brightness and color, but the effort doesn't go unnoticed by spirits. During sessions and group events, I often receive messages with references to flowers, trees and plants. A mother in spirit thanked her daughter for always having fresh flowers on the dining room table. (This mother had always talked about having fresh flowers in the house, but was unable to afford the expense.) In return, there are many ways that those in spirit can use flowers and plants to let you know that they're around. Driving home from the hospital where her grandmother had just died, a young woman made a "wrong turn" and ended up on a road with a field full of sunflowers, her grandmother's favorite. During a group event, an aunt in spirit mentioned a flowering plant, one that had only flowered once, on her birthday.
Eat. As mentioned in previous newsletters, those living in the spirit world talk about food - - a lot. It seems as though they never miss a meal that we make with them in mind. I received an email recently from a young woman whose beloved grandmother had passed after a series of debilitating ailments. Here's a bit of what she wrote: "You had mentioned my mother getting a new recipe book and/or cooking some foods my grandmother liked. My mom NEVER EVER cooks but it turns out that she came home from work THAT DAY with a new cookbook, and 2 days before, she had in fact cooked my grandmother's favorite pumpkin-spice chili recipe." If you cook it, bake it or make it, they will come. In return, those in spirit may give you the smells of their favorite recipes when there is nothing in the oven. A woman who came to see me thought she was going crazy because she kept smelling barbecued ribs. Since her husband's death, she hadn't even fired up the grill. She was surprised and delighted when her husband brought up in the session that he was busy making his secret recipe for barbecued ribs.
Sing. Loved ones in spirit love music, especially the music they loved on earth. So turn up the stereo, plug in the iPod and share their music. Almost without exception, loved ones in spirit come to sessions and events with all kinds of music. I've heard church music, rap, metal, old rock 'n roll, big band and accordion music during times of spirit connection. And the ways that they'll use music to let you know that they're around? More ways than I can mention. One mother got a shock (and thrill) when she turned on the radio while driving to see me. She expected to hear classical music, but instead, rap came blaring out! Before her son died, she and he used to argue about what station to listen to while driving.
Remember. Spirits love to remember the good times, and they want you to do the same. Sometimes the last memory we have of someone we love, is the dying scene at the hospital or the harsh words said shortly before a car accident or suicide. During sessions, spirits don't spend a lot of time on those memories. At a group event recently, a young man in spirit reminded his Dad that he loved motorcycles. Riding was one of the last fun things he had done before dying. Those in spirit will often comment on weddings, reunions and parties that took place before and after they died. Keep making new memories; those you love in spirit don't miss occasions. Shared lives make shared memories.
Forgive. One of the most significant and profound ways to bring those in spirit close to you is to forgive them for dying and leaving you behind. This may seem to be too much to ask, but releasing the anguish, the anger and the guilt around someone's passing is like dismantling the wall between life and death brick by brick. When I miss my mother or my dear friend Brett or cousin Tommy, I not only ask to feel them near, but have also included, "I forgive you for not taking care of yourself the way you should so that your life could have been longer. I forgive you for not beating the addiction that took you so young. I forgive you for choosing to end your own life and I forgive myself for not preventing it." Yes, mediums need to forgive others and themselves, too.
Please join me in celebrating life on the day of the dead. Those we love in spirit will join us, too.
