When most think of how to become a better influencer of people, the first thought is “how do I get them to do what I want them to do?” Now you must admit that you’ve had this thought before. This thought is not unusual as we naturally are tuned to the radio station WIIFM or "What’s In It For Me." This is why sometimes people see attempts to influence as manipulative, scheming or calculating. In order to effectively influence others, you have to take a look at your interactions and relationships. Influencing others is a way of being and not a tactic.

In actuality, your ability to influence others is an outcome of who you are as a person. Instead of the “me” focused WIIFM, the station should be changed to WCIDFY. Ok, all those letters don’t work, but our outward focus on What Can I Do For You builds a stronger relationship with others. At first thought, this may seem like we are moving in the wrong direction. Some may say “Hey, I want to get my priorities handled, not theirs.” But this theory is as old as theories themselves. From the legendary Dale Carnegie to popular author John Maxwell, building relationships builds your ability to influence. Dr. Robert Cialdini, Stanford professor and author of extensive studies on the power of influence and persuasion has identified several principles that explain why an outward focus is critical.

One of Dr. Cialdini’s principals, the Law of Reciprocity states that that "We will try to repay, in kind, what another person has provided us." Think about when someone has done something nice for you in the past. Did you feel an underlying need to pay that person back? This feeling is your basic human nature kicking in. This explains that rush to send a quick holiday card to a friend or acquaintance that you just received a card from, but was absent from your list. I’m not saying that we should give to get as a tactic; we should give because it’s the right thing to do. The key here is to always be outwardly focused, not just when you want something from others, but when it may not seem to matter at all.

Influencing others in your organization ...