Have you ever dreaded giving feedback to someone? ... mulled it over for a time and either sugar coated it or didn’t give it at all?
If the answer is yes then you are in good company. In my work with managers and teams, giving feedback seems to be the most challenging interaction that one can have at work or at home. This is particularly true when feedback needs to be given to a family member or boss. In some organizations, open multi- directional feedback is the norm, while in others, giving feedback in an upward hierarchical direction could be a CLM (career limiting move - proceed with caution). Lost in all of this is the primary reason that feedback is given, which is to help someone improve.

Giving feedback is like telling someone that they have spinach on their teeth. You don’t want them to walk around all day like that; however, you feel awkward in telling them because they might be embarrassed. You know it’s happened to you and you remember how you felt in that moment.

So, why is giving feedback so hard? I’ll give you three reasons why:

#1. We can’t control how the other person will react.
#2. We know how we would feel if someone offered us criticism. #3. Refer back to #1.

You are never going to be sure how the other person might respond; however, you can increase your chances of a successful dialogue if you follow these before, during, and after you give feedback:

Before

Is the feedback about you or them? - Sometimes we project our own values and insecurities on others. Think about why you want to give this feedback and how it will help the other person. Only give feedback that will help them improve.

Ask permission - Ask if the person wants your feedback. If they don’t want it they won’t listen. If now is not a good time to discuss feedback, schedule a time when you would have their undivided attention.