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Power Struggles, Standoffs and Fights, Oh My!
by Amrita Grace  
Not listening
Let's face it, my husband and I are newlyweds. We don't fight much.... yet. However, we are both veterans of long previous marriages, so we have a good idea of what to be prepared for.

What we know for sure is that anger does not improve with age, and can be very damaging over the long haul. We seek ways to be in touch with our feelings and to express them safely and sanely. We practice these tools before we really need them, in an effort to help them feel natural and accessible when they are needed. Here are some simple ones for you to play with, or perhaps to press into service:

1) One of you decide to give the other  a set amount of time to express feelings, and to be with them the whole time without responding in any way (neutral presence). Agree to not hurt yourself, each other, or the furniture. Rather than using words, the one expressing might growl or jump up and down or roar and flap their arms. This allows the body to get involved and circumvents the mind. Then you can switch. Notice how you feel afterwards.

2) This one comes from Arjuna and Chameli Ardaugh and it's called Shift One Thing. If you are feeling irritated, angry, or critical, go ahead and tell your partner how you feel... but do it with one of the following differences:
  • adopt a different accent
  • wear a funny hat
  • stand on the table
  • wear a tiger mask

We like this one because it brings in humor, which is a valuable tool for shifting energy. It also allows for the expression of the original irritation or anger with a different nuance, which may help to break a repeated pattern.  

 

If you feel stuck in your relationship communication and just need some practical, real world tools and experience, please consider our Communication Empowerment training on the Big Island, March 3-10. 

Hawaii Sunset
Sunset through coconut palms

World-Class Spiritual Sexual Education for Men, Women and Couples
March 3-10, 2012 at Hawaii Island Retreat.
Email
Amrita for more info or call 877-731-7500.