News from Adoption Support and Preservation

TN Adoption Support and Preservation's monthly e-newsletter

April, 2010

Adoption Support and Preservation (ASAP) provides support for Tennessee's adoptive families. To make a referral, call toll-free 1-888-848-2727, or visit www.tnasap.org.

ASAP Regional Coordinator Contact Information

East TN: Sarah Collins - Harmony Adoptions, (865) 982-5225; scollins@harmonyadoptions.org

Kristi Kulesz - Harmony Adoptions, (865) 982-5225; kkulesz@harmonyadoptions.org

Middle TN: Jan Clifton - Catholic Charities, (615) 352-3087; jclifton@cctenn.org

West TN: Michael McDonald - Agape, (901) 323-3600; michael.mcdonald@agapemeanslove.org

Everyday Superheroes

Recently, ASAP Family Therapists from the Middle TN Region were invited to participate in a Trauma-Focused Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT) Learning Collaborative (LC). Over the next year, we will join others from organizations across Tennessee in learning the TF-CBT model. Then, we will take the principles and techniques we have learned and implement them in our work with the children and caregivers ASAP serves.

As part of the LC, we were assigned a pre-work activity in which we were instructed to create a Storyboard. We were to create a team name, a motto for our team, and to describe each team member and his or her strengths. Upon completion, our Storyboard would be displayed for the other agencies in the LC to see. The instructions stressed that this activity was not intended to be stressful or overly demanding. Some words our instructors hoped we would associate with the experience were: "team-building", "creative", "interesting", "revealing", "simple", and "relevant."

Stressful and overly demanding were exactly the thoughts that were running through my head, and, honestly, I was less than excited to take on this particular assignment.

As my fellow co-workers and team members began brainstorming our Storyboard, there were many moans, grunts, and sarcastic comments likening this activity to the all too familiar 7th Grade Science Fair Project. However, as our creative juices began to flow, we started to enjoy the process and have fun! And, by fun, I mean genuine, laugh-out-loud, knee-slapping fun. We came up with the idea to think of ourselves as a team of superheroes. Focusing on our team members' strengths, particularly as therapists, we were quickly able to assign each person a Superhero name and corresponding superhuman characteristics. One co-worker became Frequency Girl, because of her outstanding ability to attune to her clients. She is a skilled listener always able to tune in to those in need. Another co-worker was dubbed Mr. Can-Do, because of his willingness to take on any challenge with an "I can do this!" attitude. He is strong and possesses camouflage-like capabilities in order to adapt to his surroundings.

Later in the day, as I was driving to see a client, I continued to think about the concept of superheroes and how it relates to the parents I work with. Superheroes possess extraordinary powers and are dedicated to protecting their communities from evil forces. The parents we work with may not literally have extraordinary powers, but many of them have great strengths that they utilize in order to protect their children and help them heal from their past traumas. I began to think about the adoptive parent I was on my way to meet with, a grandmother with astonishing resiliency, despite her own extensive trauma history. She was able to bounce back from her trauma, and she has one of the most special "in love" relationships with her granddaughter that I have ever had the privilege of seeing. To me, she is Elasti-Mom. Next, I thought about another family, one in which the dad has an uncanny sense of humor. He uses his humor at the most appropriate times, in order to help his daughter feel safe, to let her know that things are going to be okay, or simply to have fun together. To me, he is Comedi-Man.

Like superheroes, we all have our own weaknesses, or triggers. Superman's weakness is kryptonite, but, for the rest of us, it could be any number of things. For the parents we work with, a trigger may be the topic of birth parents, or their 5 year-old having a fist-pounding, leg- kicking temper tantrum in the middle of Home Depot, or it may be their teenager using the phrase "I don't know", as if she spoke no other words in the English language. It is important for us to be aware of our triggers in order to utilize our strengths to the best of our abilities. This is especially true for parents of children surrounded by their own kryptonite, who feel unsafe much of the time. It is extremely difficult to help fight someone else's kryptonite if your own is getting in your way. For Superman, kryptonite is always hiding somewhere. He may not know exactly where it is, or how much of it there will be, but he is always aware that the kryptonite is out there and that he may come into contact with it at anytime. It is imperative that we are aware of our own kryptonite, that we are able to predict when it may surface, and that we are equipped with the skills and support to fight against it.

So I challenge you to have as much fun with this exercise as I did. What are your strengths, and how would they translate into superhuman characteristics? What would your superhero name be? What is your family name and motto? What is your kryptonite, and what can you do to fight against it?

Unlike this activity, I know that parenting can be stressful and overly-demanding. But, while we will never have extraordinary powers or abilities, like Wonder Woman or Superman, we can use our own personal strengths the best way that we know how, in order to be our very best superhero selves.

Mary Katherine Rand, M.S.S.W.
A.S.A.P Family Therapist, Middle TN Region

Finding Our Children Unconditional Support (FOCUS)

Each month, ASAP's e-newsletter features children in full guardianship of the state of Tennessee, waiting for their forever families. There are hundreds of unclaimed children in Tennessee who currently have no family to call their own. Our calling is to find families willing to open their hearts and homes to these children. This month, we'd like to introduce you to Crystal, Andru, and Alicia.

What makes adopting in Tennessee unique? Our Adoption Support & Preservation program - ASAP - is a gift of comprehensive counseling and support services. We will walk with you through the challenges and joys adoption can bring. Will you be the promise of family for one of these children? Please visit www.parentachild.org to learn more about other waiting children in Tennessee.