Been thinkin' about pressure.  You know, that thing that pushes you right up to your current capabilities and makes you question what you're made of.  Over the past few years, I have concluded that I really do not like pressure.  Now, I don't mind a challenge that makes me a better person, but the kind that is oppressive, demanding, controlling...  not so much!
 
I learned way too early in life that, frequently, those who have the power often exert the pressure - and usually on to those who don't.  I've seen it play out in business, in nature, in sports, and in life, and it's not necessarily a bad thing.  Indeed, it can help hidden talents rise to the surface.  But, that may have more to do with the way pressure is exerted than with the pressure itself.
 
Sometimes, pressure comes as a result of outside forces, e.g., the school calls to say, your kid is acting out again and what are you going to do about it?  Sometimes, it comes from within because one has internalized outside pressure.  If you grew up hearing, "You can't do anything right," and you believed that message, you might spend your life trying to prove you can get it right, whatever 'it' is.  That can result in tremendous pressure on yourself, and consequently others, because, at all costs, you must get it right!
 
Pressure is inevitable, but it does not have to be unbearable.  It may come in the form of parents who truly do not understand the messages being sent by their kids' actions, so they set unrealistic behavioral goals.  Perhaps a professional doesn't know about the unavoidable harm that comes from hurrying parents to claim a child before they are ready and make an untimely adoption plan.  Maybe a manager has overlooked significant barriers to performance outcomes and, as a result, goals cannot be met.
 
Since we all suffer from the human condition (yes, that pesky little imperfection factor), the challenge we face is when to engage pressure as a tool for bringing out the best in others.  The question is not how to do that.  Any pressure exerted without compassion, respect, and a realistic plan of action supports the development of anger, fear, and resentment - especially when it is repeated on a consistent basis and without apology.
 
When it comes to helping kids who start their life journeys at a distinct disadvantage, consider a paradigm shift.  There is a palpable difference between pressuring someone to change unacceptable behaviors and challenging them to do so.  It generally involves communicating appropriately, giving choice, providing the resources needed, and letting natural consequences be the judge.  Pressure says, "You cannot fail," challenge says, "I think you can succeed at this.  Let me know what you need to be successful."  No pressure there, huh?
 
Think of it - no pressure.  Allowing opportunity for growth at one's own pace. Not forcing things.  Letting that growth happen naturally.  Not demanding your way.  Offering choice that leads to success.  Deep breath here . . . ahhh . . . no pressure.
Can you feel it?  There it is . . . peace.