|
TN Adoption Support and Preservation's monthly e-newsletter |
|
Adoption Support and Preservation (ASAP) provides support for Tennessee's adoptive families. To make a referral, call toll-free 1-888-848-2727, or visit www.tnasap.org.
|
"Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?"
- Snow White's Nemesis
"Mother, Mother, of my life, tell me when I'm good and nice.
Father, Father, you're the man, to tell me just how great I am."
- Your Child
I've been to numerous trainings, lectures, presentations, and workshops, all with the goal of gathering the best tools to help my clients, but, once in a while, I gather a golden tool that works so well I adopt it for my own - that is, for use in my own life, and not just with my clients. I collected one such golden tool listening to Dr. Wally Scott, the guest speaker / clinician at our 2008 ASAP staff retreat. He shared with us an illustration which I will now share with you.
Imagine peering into a mirror. What you see in that mirror is your face. Not surprising. But now, imagine that you are spontaneously transformed into your child, yet the reflection in the mirror remains that of your face. In essence, imagine yourself as your child, seeing him or herself reflected in your eyes. What does your child see? Is the reflection cross, loving, doubting, accepting, disappointed, encouraging? What is your face telling your child about him or herself?
Our children first learn about themselves through their reflections in our faces. Early on, they have little to no capacity to use introspection and to therefore outsource their knowledge of self, gaining insight from the important people in their lives. As parents, we are the most important people in our children's lives, telling them who they are. We are the master storytellers, telling our children their first stories of themselves. What do these stories sound like? Are they hopeful, positive, endearing?
Dr. Scott then told us a story of his daughter, who was swinging one day while he mowed the grass. He recounted her pigtails as they flew and the smile on her face as she swung higher and higher, and then the heart-stopping sickness that followed as she flew out of the swing and landed with a thud, face-down in the dirt. He rushed to her and picked her up, faintly remembering his own knowledge of mirrors and stories. He looked her over quickly, scanning her for injury. There was a bloodied lip, a scraped chin and knees, and tearful, scared eyes glued to his face, imploring, "How bad am I?" Knowing that those frightened eyes held a two-fold question, "How badly is my body hurt?", and, more importantly, "How 'bad' am I for recklessly falling out of the swing?", he wiped her tears and calmly told her that her lip and chin would heal, and that she was very brave to swing so high. He then asked her if she wanted to keep swinging or stop for the day, telling her he'd swing with her if she liked. She dried her eyes and took a deep breath, then concluded that she'd like to swing some more if he pushed her. He ended his story by asking us what his daughter had learned about herself from this event. It is possible that she learned to be more cautious on the swing and more respectful of how her body handles gravity, but, most importantly, she learned that she could hit obstacles and heal, that she was powerful and brave (not only for swinging high, but for trying again after failure), and, lastly, that she had people around her to care for her and support her in success and struggle. Finally, we were asked what she might have learned had his response been one of frustration over having to take a break from mowing, or one of high anxiety over her wounds, or one telling her she shouldn't have been swinging so high and she should go inside with her mother.
Now, I am the first to say that I am human, and, as such, my mirror does not always reflect what I would like it to, but, armed with this illustration, as a mom I try my very best to be the best 'Mommy Mirror' I can be and to answer the inquiring eyes, "You are precious beyond imagination, all the parts of you are wonderful and accepted, and I am here with you in triumph and in struggle." So, to all the Mirrors out there: What answers do you want your reflection to give?
by Emily Anderson, ASAP Clinical Supervisor, Mid Region
|
|
Meet ASAP's Staff
Jennifer Talley is a Family Therapist with AGAPE Child and Family Services, Inc. Jennifer began her work at AGAPE in August, 2007, as a Master's level social work intern. In November 2007, Jennifer became part of AGAPE's staff as a Family Therapist for the Adoption Support and Preservation (ASAP) program. With ASAP, she serves foster / adoptive families by providing both Pre-Adopt and Post-Adopt services. Jennifer received her Bachelor's Degree in Social Work from Mississippi State University and her Master's of Social Work degree from the University of Tennessee, Memphis. Before beginning her internship with AGAPE, Jennifer worked as an intern at the Department of Children and Family Services in West Point, Mississippi, and at Pathways, in Jackson, Tennessee. Later this month, Jennifer Talley will become Jennifer Maley, when she is married in Memphis on January 24, 2009. Jennifer enjoys her work helping parents and children through the ASAP program. Congratulations, Jennifer!
|
Finding Our Children Unconditional Support (FOCUS)
Each month, ASAP's e-newsletter will feature a child who is in full guardianship of the state of Tennessee. There are hundreds of unclaimed children in Tennessee with no prospect of a forever family. Our calling is to find families willing to open their hearts and homes to these children. To view this month's featured child, click here. (3.5 minutes in length).
What makes adopting in Tennessee unique? Our Adoption Support & Preservation program - ASAP - is a gift of comprehensive counseling and support services. We will walk with you through the challenges and joys adoption can bring. Will you be the promise of family for one of these children? Please visit www.parentachild.org to learn more about other waiting children in Tennessee. | |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
For information about ASAP Adoptive Family Support Groups in your area, and for Support Group schedules, contact:
East Region: Heather Butcher, ASAP Family Advocate -
(865) 356-4848
Mid Region: Brenda McElyea, ASAP Family Advocate -
(615) 352-3087
West Region: Kris Bowen, ASAP Family Advocate -
(901) 634-8199
|
| What is ASAP?
ASAP is designed to create and maintain a seamless state-wide system of pre- and post-adoption services in Tennessee. ASAP is an innovative program that supports children and families as they create and maintain connections and access services that support permanency. ASAP is working to develop the capacity of communities across Tennessee to better nurture their adoptive families.
ASAP seeks to increase the availability and accessibility of adoption support services in Tennessee, and to decrease the incidence of disrupted or dissolved adoptions. Motivated by the needs of families and children in all stages of the adoptive process, ASAP offers a comprehensive and coordinated continuum of services.
ASAP is a collaborative project of Harmony Adoptions of East Tennessee, Catholic Charities of Middle Tennessee, and AGAPE Child and Family Services of West Tennessee. ASAP is partnered with DCS for the cooperative implementation and further development of our program.
|
|
|
|
|
