ASSISTING THE HEART - Pedro McMillian

This article comes with full permission of my daughter Hannah whose story is contained within.

Being a witness. That was the task of assisting on the youth quest in Colorado this summer. It's not as easy as it sounds, especially when your own daughter is a faster.

My daughter, Hannah, decided to do this fast about a month before, which presented a problem. How do you find the line between assistant and parent? When we met in the parking lot and the parents said goodbye to their kids I suddenly felt the horrible weight of responsibility for ALL these people.

The intention stories of beauty and pain fed the trees and our hearts, and held my doubts at bay, for a little while. As time went on I began questioning my decision to do this. The food started to go bad and the ground under my pad was hard as stone. That wasn't too bad; it was the pouring rain and cold each day that was really getting to me.

Then my daughter's story stopped me. After settling in to a role of part assistant, part parent, Hannah delivered the news that she came to reclaim her power and beauty after being sexually assaulted. Whoa, stop here and take a deep breath.

This is one story that throws a parent into a washing machine of feelings. How was I to maintain composure and fall apart at the same time? Here's how: watch your daughter step through her fear into the courage to face this beast and take her life back. Such a lesson I've never experienced.

After three days and nights of rain and cold, the fasters came out of the woods, ate some breakfast and sat to tell their stories. The courage, wisdom and beauty of these fasters was marvelous to behold.

When Hannah told her story of healing and forgiveness, I threw aside the role of assistant to mirror as a parent. While expressing some deep feelings, it came suddenly clear that my discomfort was accepting that my little girl was gone. Sitting in front of me was a woman who had just told the story of an adult reclaiming her power and beauty.

My work is now letting go of her as a child. How do you let go of twenty-two years just like that? How does the parent of an adult act? Fortunately, with Hannah as teacher I'm in good hands.

I suddenly see the difficulty with the youth fast. Sending these people back to unsuspecting families is pretty harsh. How will they find support in a world aching to keep them as children? In the end it's a practice of letting go, hoping the earth will hold them gently and that the seeds planted will grow strong roots and wide branches.

So what would be my advice about sending your child or assisting on a vision quest? If you get the opportunity, send your kid and go to the story telling. If you get to assist, do it. Just be sure to take some rain gear! You will be surprised at who you will find there. I promise.