Hello Harlan,

I'm a non-Christian in her 20s, and I am in a long-distance relationship with a Christian. He is quirky - a perfect balance of virtues and flaws. There is only one major obstacle: our difference in beliefs. We both recognize that this one obstacle dooms our relationship. Despite this acknowledgment, neither of us wants to end it. We are both keeping our eyes out for possible future partners, but in the meantime we take comfort in one another's company. I would very much like to spend more time with him, but his protective/controlling family disapproves and prevents us from seeing one another. Am I being foolish by considering buying plane tickets and putting all this time, money and energy into a relationship that is doomed?  

  Little Miss Hopeless

Hello Miss Hopeless, 

You can be foolish, but just don't fool yourself.  The problem is that your long-distance delusion makes you totally emotionally unavailable to meet other quirky, flawed men with whom you might want to commit. It's like working a temp job when you want a full-time career. You're living emotional paycheck to emotional paycheck with no investment in the future. It's expensive in terms of time and money. When you're ready for a real relationship, tell him you see a future, but only if he commits. This means no more secrets from family, no more distance and a plan (marriage, the religion of your children, his parents' support, etc). Until then, he's just a temp boyfriend with no future. .