Dear Harlan,

I wholeheartedly agree with the writer "Thanks for Listening." She's right - affairs aren't always dirty, depressing or draining. For those of us in the real world, we must learn to live (and cope) with what we have. Reality often is not the world we would wish to have, but it is the world we were dealt. A poster I've had on my wall for 40 years says it all. "Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have." Most of us do not live in the idyllic world you embrace. 

Been There Done That 

 

Dear Been There Done That,

You mean not everyone lives in a world of flying ponies, double rainbows and chocolate waterfalls? That outside my world is a place where cheating, lying and sneaking are not a big deal? I'm pretty sure they're a big deal in everyone's world. I'm not looking to convince you that cheating is wrong, but I'd genuinely like your help understanding why it's the right option. I imagine that when you got married, this wasn't your plan. Why not throw in your cards and start over with a new hand when you realized you were in a losing relationship? I'm not looking to criticize, judge or argue; I'm interested in understanding how cheating can be the best choice. What advice would you have for a newlywed to avoid getting to the point where cheating is better than breaking up?