Dear Harlan,

Almost nine years ago, I wrote to you. I was having a hard time dealing with a recent breakup. I decided to write to you because I just couldn't figure out how to shake my feelings for this particular guy. For as long as I live, I will never forget the first sentence of your response: "It's like trying to pet a cute but dangerous animal - you know it's going to bite you." Well, your words encouraged me to move on for good. Fast-forward to several years later: I had moved on from my hometown love (many times, in fact). I was living in a new city and had a much different (aka responsible and quieter) life. You can imagine my surprise when I got a Facebook message from the hometown love. We had been living in the same area for a while and he asked if he could take me to dinner. I was cautious yet curious. Had he really grown up? What if he was the same guy that he was in college? Was this a disaster waiting to happen? After a lot of consideration, I met him at a restaurant. As it turns out, he had matured a lot. We started dating, and eventually became exclusive. Things are going extremely well (dare I think about wedding bells in our future?). He treats me like a princess, respects me to the utmost degree and makes me laugh. I want to thank you for telling me the hard truth that I needed to hear during that time. I only wish more people were as honest with me as you were. I actually told my hometown love about writing in to you during that difficult time, and he was incredibly touched. Granted, he hated that he caused me so much pain and grief, and is equally embarrassed by his behavior back in the day, but he believes that timing is everything and our time is now. I've been trying to track down my copy of the column, but to no avail. Anyway, I just wanted to share my story with you. I speak for many people when I say your advice really helped me. Keep giving it to us straight (and with no chaser)!

K.M.

 

Dear K.M.,

I knew he'd be back (well, not really). You know why he's treating you so well this time around? Because you demanded respect. When you didn't get what you wanted from him, you moved on. Now, years later, he's back and knows that you won't put up with anything less than the best. He knows that if he wants to keep you in his life, he needs to respect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated, or else. Keep me posted as this develops. I'd love to know what happens next. Thank you for sharing this with me. I'm grateful to hear from you and humbled to know I could play a small role in your happiness.

 

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