Dear Harlan,

I've been in a relationship with a girl for about four months. I am fully willing to say that we are both in love with each other. I know she is the one. The way she makes me feel is indescribable. But there is a problem. I don't drink and don't plan on it. She drinks, not a lot, but occasionally. The thing is, drinking really really bugs me. It really gets to me when she drinks. I get annoyed. I've tried to be OK with it, but I can't. I don't want to be the guy who makes his girlfriend not drink, but is that what I have to do? I have had relatives with bad drinking experiences, and my parents have a strong religious background, and that is one of the reasons I am opposed to drinking. I don't know what to do, Harlan, but I know I can't keep pretending I am OK with it and having it destroy me every time she drinks.

Sober Boyfriend

 

Dear Sober,

I'm not so sure she's the one. If being sober and having a sober partner is a fundamental part of your faith, character and future, explain this to her. If you have such strong negative associations with alcohol because of the pain it's caused your family, express this to her. If being around alcohol is not compatible with your lifestyle, say it. You're four months into a relationship. Now's the time to talk. The sobering reality is that she might not want to change. And if she won't change and you won't compromise, she's definitely not the one.