Dear Harlan,

I think my boyfriend is looking for an excuse to break up with me. We met toward the end of our senior year in high school and have been together for just under a year. However, our plans after high school are different, and he changed his in order to stay in a relationship with me. He wanted to go to school in the South after graduation, and I wanted to pursue fashion at school in New York, which is what I'm doing now. The other night he insinuated that he is miserable in this relationship because he can't have what he wants and indirectly implicated me as the cause. I told him I would be completely fine with him moving anywhere without me. What can I do or say to lessen the resentment? Even more, what can I do to make the situation more bearable for him if he won't go down South without me while we are still together?

Not to Blame

 

 

Dear Not to Blame,

Here's the deal: You're living your dream. He's stuck. The moment he started blaming you is the moment this relationship turned in a dangerous direction. Assuming you've made it clear that you want him to pursue his dreams, and assuming he's still not doing much about it, that's not your problem. There are people who blame everyone else when things go wrong. Then there are those who take responsibility and work to correct their course. Explain that you understand his frustration, but tell him he has a choice. He can blame you (and everyone else) or make a change. If he chooses to blame you, no one will blame you if you find a new boyfriend. Then he can blame you for breaking up with him, and you can take responsibility for finding someone better.

 

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