Dear Harlan,

I became friends with a bunch of guys who lived across the hall from me my first semester in college. My relationship with one of the guys turned into friends with benefits. We hooked up all of last semester, but when we came back this semester, it all ended. I kind of expected it and kind of wanted it to end, but I was still upset when it was over. I feel like we never had much in common to begin with, so it is difficult to be friends now, although I try to be friendly, since I am still friends with his roommates and I see him all the time. I thought I was over him, but now he is hooking up with another girl, and I can't stand to be in the same room with them. Even when he is by himself, I almost feel kind of angry. I avoid long conversations with him. I feel like I'm making things difficult, but I don't think I can go in their room and act like nothing is wrong. How do I get over him for good and still be friends with him?

The Other Girl

 

Dear Other Girl,

No one told you that one of the "benefits" can be regret. Clearly, you're not built to have sex without having an emotional connection. And that's not a bad thing. Find an intimate relationship that includes trust, respect and love. The more you have going on in your life, the less this guy will matter. Don't be mad at him. He didn't do anything wrong. Let this be a lesson: You can't be friends with benefits. You've learned. Now, move on. Give him permission to not want you, and explore other men who will (but make sure they don't live down the hall). In the meantime, take the stairs and stop having sex with anyone you don't have much in common with.

 

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