Dear Harlan,

My daughter's mother-in-law is visiting from Russia. We met for dinner, at which time she gave my husband and me a bottle of wine and candy. My daughter told us that this is their custom. I would like to know if we are expected to return the gesture. I am considering buying her a bottle of American perfume to take home, but I don't know if it is proper.

Courteous Mom

 

Dear Courteous Mom,

I'd avoid something as personal as perfume. She might think that you're telling her she stinks or has poor hygiene. Unless she's commented on your beautiful smell, I'd go in an entirely different direction. Given that you live in America and she's visiting you in America, I'd share something more American. You can't go wrong with food - chocolate, candy and something indigenous to where you live is a kind gesture. This can be preserves, a famous sauce, a praline, Cherry Mash or even a Moon Pie. You can also get her a special picture book or picture frame. If getting a book, avoid a book with a lot of words in case English isn't her first language (which it probably isn't). Something to eat and something to let her know how much you appreciate her visit will be the best way to share some good-old American hospitality.