Dear Harlan,

I have been with my wife for more than eight years, and married for two. Last month, I noticed she was in contact with my friend/co-worker. She was texting a lot and angling her cell phone away so I couldn't see. I calmly told her I was feeling a little jealous about it. She blew up, saying I didn't trust her. Well, three days later, she finds out she is pregnant. I was ecstatic! We had been trying to conceive for months. When she broke the news to me, she ended it with: "I think I want to separate for a little while. I'm unhappy." This sent me into a tailspin. We have a child on the way, and now she wants to leave? Then she moved out and stayed with my friend/co-worker. She says there is nothing going on and he says there is nothing going on. I don't want to lose her. My friend has cut off all contact with me, other than when I say hi to him at work.

Distraught

 

Dear Distraught,

Sounds like hell. What I can tell you is that spouses don't just get up and leave. It's a process. For whatever reason, she didn't let you in on it. Forget going to counseling with her, and start on your own. Get a therapist involved, get a divorce attorney involved, and lean on your friends. You need to make the right moves. You also need to understand your rights as a father (assuming you're the dad). Use these people to coach you on how to approach her. As far as you know, your wife might be pregnant with someone else's kid. Oh, and as for that guy at work - I wouldn't say anything to him. He's no friend.