Dear Harlan,

My wife had an affair a few years ago. It lasted about two years. I have since forgiven her. This was my wife's first affair, but her best friend, now single, has had many affairs. Her friend had affairs with at least two married men I know, and had tried to seduce one of my friends who is happily married, but he turned her down. I married my wife for her good morals and values, but she is very easily influenced. I'm convinced that this girlfriend was responsible for influencing my wife to feel an affair was OK. I don't trust my wife with this girlfriend, and have asked her to distance herself from her. During the past two years, she has not been able to make this change and has even lied to me about it. I don't feel safe in my marriage if my wife keeps this friend. I'm considering a divorce. Am I right?

On the Fence

 

Dear On the Fence,

Don't blame her friend - blame your marriage. Here's how I see it - if your marriage was strong, your wife's friend would just reinforce how disgusting cheating can be and how much pain it causes. But being in a weak and untrusting marriage means thinking your wife will cheat because her friend cheats. Cheating isn't glamorous - it's dirty, depressing and draining. If your wife is this easily influenced, it's not a good marriage. Controlling your wife's friendship will only make you look controlling and give her one more reason to leave you. Instead of focusing on her cheating friend, focus on how you can trust your wife again.