Dear Harlan,

The beginning of my freshman year of college I got dumped by somebody I really cared about. It's been a year and a half since then, and I'm still hung up on him. I've dated other people, found friends here, got counseling and traveled, but I feel like I'm constantly being haunted by this ghost from Christmas past. The guy doesn't speak to me anymore, and I really don't think he wishes to be contacted by me either, which hurts. I want to get over him so I can get on with my life, and it feels like I've tried everything to do, but I'm just not sure if I'll ever see anyone else in quite the same light as before. Maybe somehow you'll have the words of wisdom I need to finally move on. God knows this torture has lasted for too long.

Stuck

 

 

Dear Stuck,

First love is insanely intense, all-consuming and unsustainable. It's a high that can't last forever. Don't look at first love as a barometer of what love can be. It's in a category unto itself. It's a drug that you only feel once. That's it. Once you accept this as normal, you can move forward and find a new kind of love that's deeper, more complex and different from anything you've experienced without thinking it's good, but not as good as first love.