Dear Harlan,

My roommate smokes weed. She started over winter break. I came home the other night and my room smelled like weed! I told her from the start I don't care what she does as long as it's not near me or the dorm. She knows that I don't smoke, so I thought we had an understanding - until last night. I was really curious and I looked in a few of her drawers and I found a glass pipe and I know she bought a stash tin earlier. I'm not sure what I should do because I can get in trouble for her stuff. Help!

Smokin' in the Dorm Room

 

Dear Smokin',

You can't be 100 percent sure that she was smoking in your room. The smell might be on her clothes. And having a pipe in the room doesn't mean she's keeping dope in the room. You suspect she's smoking in the room and keeping weed in the room. Ask her, but don't accuse her. This will just put her on the defensive. But before approaching her, prepare to find a new roommate. I know that's severe, but if you feel this strongly and she's not willing to respect this fundamental rule, it's not going to work. Start by explaining that you don't care what she does outside the room and how much you want to get along, but there's something you need to talk about. Share what concerns you and why you can't live with someone who has drugs in the room. See what she has to say. If she's not willing to respect this rule, figure out who will move out. I'd also mention something to an residence-life professional in confidence. If something should happen, at least there will be a record of you talking about this before getting busted.