Dear Harlan,

There is a guy I've been talking to for a while who I want to get to know better. I'd like to possibly date him and see where it goes from there. He's coming to visit soon and made it clear that he'd like to have sex with me. I'm afraid that if I do, this will turn into a one-night stand and I won't see him again. Should I talk to him about this?

Not Easy

 

Dear Not Easy,

Here's the rule - never have sex with a guy you can't talk to about anything and everything. Tattoo this on your inner thigh as a reminder to him - "If we can't talk about it, you can't have it." I'm sure that if you haven't talked to him about your feelings, there's no way you have talked about things like herpes, genital warts, other sex souvenirs and birth control. What if you got pregnant? All of this makes me think it's a horrible idea to have him visit you or stay with you. There's a strong chance this guy will be coming to town expecting to have sex with you. Once he arrives and realizes the only sex he'll be having is alone, things could get uncomfortable or even unsafe. Take a big step backward and talk to him before he visits about your apprehension. Explain that sex isn't something you rush into or want right now. The more time you give this relationship to grow, the easier it will be to see if he wants to date you or just have sex with you. A guy who wants to date you will stick around because he actually likes (or loves) you. Guys who want to have sex with you will get tired of waiting and will move on to someone who will give them what they want. Until he knows what you want, it will be impossible to know if he's interested in you, or just sex with you. Either way, there are countless men willing to wait.