Dear Harlan,

I'm in my second semester at college. I quickly made a close group of friends who I spent most of my time with the first semester. My best friend in the group even came home with me one weekend. After Thanksgiving break, something changed, and they stopped hanging out with me. I asked my best friend what was up. She said she was trying to branch out more and that I should try to do the same. I was upset, but tried to take what she said to heart. I have a few other friends, but I miss hanging out with her. She assured me that we would still be friends - we just shouldn't spend so much time together. But now she hardly speaks to me. She's also being hypocritical, because she still hangs out with that same group of friends that I used to be a part of. Should I try to talk to her, or move on? I know you say college friends often are temporary, but for people I had such a close connection with from the start to abandon me out of nowhere is a mystery to me. Besides, now that it's the second semester, everyone already has their own group of friends, and I don't know where to go.

Hurt and Confused

 

Dear Hurt,

Rejection by silence can be brutal, mean and selfish. Before you assume the problem is you, assume the problem is that your friend is depressed, lost, confused and too messed up for a good friend like you. If you want to try to rescue this fading friendship, approach her with compassion. Don't make this about you and your hurt feelings. Make it about HER and your concern. Start by telling her that you're worried about her because she's been so distant. Ask if she's OK. Then ask if you did something that accidentally upset her. Tell her how much her friendship means to you and say you're sad that you've grown apart. If she continues to go her own way, let her go. That's all you can do.

 

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