Dear Harlan,

I have a very dear friend who doesn't respect the sanctity of sleeping in on the weekend. If I don't answer her early-morning calls, she will continue to call every 15 to 20 minutes until the phone is answered. This also alternates between my home number and my cell phone. My ex used to go nuts about it, as the calls would start early (between 7:30 a.m. and 9 a.m.). We knew if the phone was ringing early it was this friend. I asked her to please respect our wishes. I finally got her to cool it a bit, but it never completely stopped. Unfortunately, my ex and I split up (not solely because of this, but it was a factor), and the phone calls are starting earlier again. When I've tried to talk to my friend about this she takes such offense, and I just don't know what to do anymore. This friend has helped me through many things, as I have helped her. I've thought about turning off the ringer, but I have elderly parents and if something were to happen I want them to be able to get in touch with me. What's next?

Sleepless in the U.S.

 

Dear Sleepless,

How about getting a dedicated cell phone line for your parents? (They have pay-as-you-go plans.) Then you can turn off your other phones and not worry about telling your friend how you really feel. As ridiculous as that sounds, that's how ridiculous it is that your friend refuses to listen. Part of being a friend means being a good listener. The other part of being a good friend means having honest conversations about uncomfortable issues. Talk to her in the most loving and honest way. Do it in person and not on the phone at 7 on a Sunday morning. Let her get offended. Let her get upset. But don't let her call you 20 times a day. If she can't handle your honest feedback or you can't share the truth, get a line for your parents and turn the ringer off.