Dear Harlan,

I'm an 18-year-old who needs to vent. My father has been having an affair (several, actually) throughout his whole marriage to my mom. My mom found out about this a few months ago, and now she is devastated. They are in therapy, but so far it's not helping, because my dad avoids the issue. The problem is that my mom is very distant now. She's always busy and almost ignores me. I help her out and listen when she needs to talk, but she's always busy when I need to talk.My 22-year-old sister has a baby, and is not available to talk. I'm trying to concentrate on handling school, but I am very stressed. Everyone here is always fighting or about to fight. I don't have any friends and am not good at making them. I just need someone to talk to. I need to vent and get everything out. There are other issues, but I don't want to make this too long. I just feel like I'm going to fall apart. I don't have anyone I can talk to.

Falling

 

 

Dear Falling,

How could you not be stressed? Your dad is cheating, your mom is emotionally unavailable and your sister is busy with her own life. You're writing to me, and that's a strong first step. You DO have people to talk to and ways to unload this mess - you just don't have people at home to talk to. So take advantage of the people who are available. Talk to a teacher or counselor at school. Find a spiritual leader who will listen. Look into volunteering after school. Reach out to people outside your house who are known to be good listeners. In the meantime, write a lot - express yourself, and get it out of your system. Depending on your mom's state of mind, you can ask her to connect you with a therapist. Let her know that this has all hit you hard and that you need help getting help. She might surprise you and help. You actually might give her something to think about other than her own situation with your dad.