Dear Harlan, I'm in a fantastic relationship with someone I've recently realized I truly love. We've been together for a little more than a year. About a month ago, in a moment of pure weakness and confusion, I kissed someone else. I instantly felt disgusted and repulsed by what I had done, and I left the situation. I have never spoken to that person since. I'm a constant doubter that anything good can happen to me, or last (which I know is counterproductive), and my relationship with my current love has been so dreamy that I scared and confused myself into thinking it was way too good to be true. I'm so young (can't even buy myself a drink!), and to have found the person I know I truly love so young made me freak out and think that perhaps I was missing something. All that experience proved is that there is nothing and no one out there for me but him. It was a stupid mistake. I know if I tell him, he'd leave me. And I just can't bear losing someone I've just recently allowed myself to appreciate. Please help me. I love him so much, and I don't want to lose him. Lying is not in my nature, and I hate that I'm carrying this around, but I'm petrified of ruining everything. I really, truly hate myself for what I've done. Please help.
Hopelessly in Love
Dear Hopelessly in Love, Yeah, BIG mistake. We all agree. Now, stop beating yourself up - part of dating is learning. You're not married. You're not engaged. You're dating, and you made a huge mistake. Now, here's what you need to ask yourself: Why did you do it? Why will it never happen again? Why do you think you're not worthy of love? If you don't know the answers, find them. If you know the answers, stop calling yourself names and call it a lesson learned. Once you find the answers, decide whether your boyfriend needs to know. Telling him will hurt, and for good reason, but if you can explain why it happened and all the work you've done to make sure it will never happen again, this can minimize the damage. As for being worthy of love, if he should break up with you, understanding that you're worthy will make it easy to find a better, happier and more trusting relationship in the future.
