Dear Harlan,

I am a freshman in college, and I am living with a roommate for the first time. My roommate has been very upset with me lately because I ate one of her Pop-Tarts without asking. I have done everything, I've apologized at least 50 times, reimbursed her for the entire box of Pop-Tarts and also have replaced the whole box with a new one (keep in mind, I only ate one of the six tarts in the box). She keeps bringing it up even though it happened a week ago. She goes on and on about how untrustworthy I am and has told me that my behavior is inappropriate (even though I've been trying as hard as I can to be nice, and I haven't touched her food since). I know what I did was wrong, and I've definitely learned my lesson about taking people's food, but she is making me feel like I murdered her unborn child and I don't know how to fix it. Please help!

Amanda

 

Dear Amanda,

Like a Pop-Tart that's been in the toaster way too long, I think this relationship is cooked, done, and finished. If it wasn't a stolen Pop-Tart, it could have been borrowed toothpaste, toilet paper or her boyfriend. Be grateful that it's just a Pop-Tart. It makes for a better story. It will be fun to talk about in the future.  It's fun to say Pop-Tart.  Pop-Tart. Pop-Tart.  Pop-Tart. See?  So, here's what happened - your Pop-Tart-loving roommate probably has been secretly upset with you (or life) before this incident. The resentment has been building. Then, POP! All hell breaks loose. This girl loves Pop-Tarts much more than she loves living with you. You've been kind. You've been remorseful. You've even replaced her one Pop-Tart with six new Pop-Tarts.  That's a lot of Pop-Tarts. Now it's time to move on to another roommate and delicious toasted breakfast treat. How about Toaster Strudel?