FUTURE GRANDMA-IN-LAW TALKS TOO MUCH TRASH

Dear Harlan,

I'm 21, recently engaged, and things are great - except for my fiance's grandmother. She tries to tell him how to live every aspect of his life, and she has recently begun to do the same to me. She wants to do my laundry, tells me what to wear, how to cut my hair and even that I need to lose weight. She even tells me that I'm crazy for wanting to marry her grandson. How do I deal with her without hurting his feelings or hers?

Granddaughter-in-law to be

Dear Granddaughter-in-law to be,

I see the Facebook and Twitter feed right now - " $#*! my GIL says" (GIL stands for grandma-in-law). Like all patriarchs and matriarchs who no longer care what other people think, GILs can be as insightful as they can be offensive. The trick is to find the gold in her trash-talking. There's nothing wrong with listening to her rants, but this doesn't mean doing what she wants. There's a difference between listening and doing whatever you and your fiance want. While listening, consider digging deeper at times when she offers gold. For example, when she tells you that you're crazy for wanting to marry her grandson, ask her why she thinks you're crazy. She might know something you don't know. But when she says to lose weight, buy clothes and do the laundry, tell her thank you and then do whatever you want. If you're happy and your fiance is happy, then there's no reason to make her happy. It's not like you're marrying her. Give her permission to be an outspoken GIL and make a commitment with your man to

live a life that works for you both - not her.

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