Struggling Student's Sexual Orientation Is Making Him Sick

Dear Harlan,

So, I recently started to experiment with the same sex. Afterward, I always become ill (such as nausea, vomiting, etc.). But for some reason, I keep going back to this experimental side of things. Now I have met a guy who is pretty nice. We have been hanging out, and things have been going well. After one night we spent together, the next day I felt horrible. I felt guilty and ashamed and several times during the course of the day I started to become horribly upset. I would start to cry when I was alone and thought about the previous night's events. I have talked to him about it, and he said that I just need to find myself. I am not sure what to do. I was wondering if you can help me. It would be greatly appreciated!

Searching for me

Dear Searching for me,

Instead of guilt, shame, sickness or sadness, feel an intense sense of pride. Smile. You're figuring it out. It can be frightening to be authentic. Appreciate that when it comes to sexual orientation, we live in two worlds. One is a world where people will judge you based on your sexual orientation, and the other is a place where people will love and accept you regardless of who you love. Seek out the people living in a world who will love and respect you. But it all starts with you. It's hard to feel good about yourself when your best friend (you) is so judgmental and unforgiving.Stop judging yourself. Accept who you are. Work to love yourself unconditionally. This means taking a break from dating or experimenting with anyone until you can love yourself. As you continue your self-exploration, turn to adults who have been down a similar path. Find a therapist to guide you. Look to online resources like www.pflag.org (this can point you in the direction to get help). Forget labels. Focus on working on accepting and loving yourself. Only then will you be emotionally equipped to share your life with another man or woman and have the courage and confidence to live an authentic life in both worlds. Now that's happiness.

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